Dear No one,

I'm feeling kinda messed up rn (it's a continuous feeling). My heart holds a million emotions but it still felt empty. I don't know what to do anymore. I still have a lot of school stuff to accomplish but my head is too chaotic to function. Hell, I am afraid some are already past deadlines yet I remain slouching. I find that I've often daydream about my future these days just so I could escape my reality. I watch anime, I read ABC murder, and wasting my time scrolling on social medias. Aside from anxiousness in schoolworks, my heart is heavy from thinking about giving away some of my cats. My parents can't handle too many cats because currently we already have 16 (it's crazy, ik) but I don't want to give them away especially just tossing them in the streets. My parents are cruel for thinking like that. I am hoping someone could adopt them but just imagining it makes my inside rebel. I am obsessively attached to them, I guess it's my compensation for not being able to attach with people. Ah I love them so much, I just can't let them go... I could never. They are the only ones who makes me feel something genuine, they are my comfort, my happiness. I pray they wouldn't be taken away from me. I hope to build a shelter for cats someday because my heart clench every time I see stray cats, striving to be alive. I have a very soft spot for them. Hayyyyyys I wish I could get my wits sooner. I need to be saved from being stagnant. There's so much running on my mind and I don't even know what to think anymore. My void is sucking everything inside me again. This emptiness is killing me. Help.

Shorna davis's Dear Diary