[ENTRY 44..✍️]

My dream about Timothée rendered me so horny again. I know I mentioned here that I want a boyfriend but I'm not really desperate for it yet (and I hope I'll never come to that point). For now, I just want sex.

Hot.

Burning.

Passionate.

Sex.

Damn, I haven't talked about sex here in a while.

I keep having dreams with beautiful men, I noticed, even when I don't think about them that much at all. And they always lift me up when we kiss.

Just as I like it..

Gah.

The best kiss I've ever had in my dream still goes to the one with Kai, of course, because it was more sensual and more vivid, to the point that I still seemed to have an aftertaste of it the moment I woke up. And it was longer, too. But my interaction with Timmy, however, was hotter because there were deep and latent feelings involved.

We connected.

And it also had a so much better story. I swear, my dreams create better plots than my conscious mind.

After waking up from that heated make-out, I fell immediately asleep again and this time, dreamt of Chace. It was nothing exciting. We just met in a hallway and as usual, he never spoke to me so I pretended he was a stranger to me, too. I wore a rather sexy red dress and he was in a tux, along with his friend, like we were all going to some fancy event. We went inside an elevator with a few other people. His friend seemed to have shown recognition upon seeing me by the way he nudged Chace, and then asked me something in French. But I pretended not to understand what he was saying, because.. well, I'm not French. Then he decided I must just look similar to someone he knew. Then I ate an apple and was suddenly hit with worry and consciousness about how daring it was of me to eat like that in an enclosed place with people who weren't wearing a mask.

When I woke up, the thing that stuck in my head the most was my dream with Timothée. I replayed it in my head for some time and found myself giggling and smiling like an idiot all over my bed. And then I just felt compelled to write it down before the memory of the details wore off, a leisure much done with utmost pleasure. Since I have been reading books almost regularly, I thought I might as well put it into practice. So ever since then, I started fantasizing about him and he just became so sexually appealing to me now. This fresh rush of excitement for someone else suddenly made me feel like I don't feel anything for Chace anymore and it dreadfully struck me with horror.

If I lose all of my feelings for him, I'll have nothing and it's going to be awful because I'm already empty, but these remaining fragments of affection I have for him fill up the void inside me from time to time no matter how little.. Ugh.

I can't believe the actor I'd choose to play the leading man in my book, the very man that's basically Chace in real life, would be the same person who'd extract the remnants of the feelings that sparked the inspiration to make the novel in the first place.. How crazy is that, even. As if Timmy and I would ever cross each other's paths. Lmfao.

But wouldn't it be an interesting story?

I fell in love with Chace. Wrote a book about him. Cast Timothée Chalamet to play his character. Timmy and I end up together..

HAHA. Damn!

And then I'd write another book about it 😂

How can he be so fucking beautiful, though? My older sister literally has the biggest crush on him.

This is how he looked like in my dream.

KYLE SMITH's Dear Diary