Dear Diary,

I had a scary dream today. I woke up mumbling something at 5 in the morning. Appu was also in the dream with me. Strange. I haven't seen him in 7 years. I know he's grown up so much, but in the dream he's was maybe 8 or 9, a little older than the last time I'd seen him.

I was running away from someone, I think it was somebody, a human. But I can't remember who. Just thinking about it, I feel so much terror and fear inside. And yet I can't remember what I was running from.

It's raining. The place looks like kuttanad. Lots of greenery, lakes, paddy fields, coconut and banana plantation plots in a maze. There are black tarred roads and terraced houses in between here and there.

So I have escaped from whatever it was and I'm running and running. I run across the paddy fields trying to find a hiding place. I see ammayi on the way, she tells she's going over to stall the monster,whoever it was.

At some point there's Appu with me..I don't remember the details of how. I think I took him with me to safety somewhere along the way.I'm holding his hand behind me and running .We enter an empty house looking for safety.

Its raining all the time.After a few days, we hear a knock on the door. We open the door. Two people lower their umbrellas and we see my mom and dad. My heart lits up with a kind of euphoria, a feeling of having made it , of safety and comfort. Even in my real life, I have not had that intensity of happiness ever.

I run back in and tell Appu,

"Appu, get your things. We're leaving". I said it so loud that I woke up, I realised I didn't just say it my dream. I had actually said them out loud.

The remaining part, I don't know if I imagined for the sake of completing the dream, or if I went back to dream more.

In the rain filled swampy roads, we walked out of the house for 2 mins till we reached the main road, where their car was parked. We got in and sped off. I felt like those 2 mins were the longest of my life, escaping to safety, trying to make sure the monster didn't jump into us in the middle. It was filled with a feeling of excitement and dread and happiness at the same time.

I couldn't sleep properly after.that. I remained awake trying to analyse the dream.

I did think recently about Appu and how much he must have grown up in the recent years. I thought about all the time I carried him around, telling him stories and cradling him to sleep. He probably doesn't remember any of it , he was very small. But I wondered if I missed him. I saw his dp on Facebook and he look everything like an adolescent boy. I wonder how his new deepened voice must sound like. I bet if he saw me on the streets anywhere , he wouldn't budge. How can you if you won't even recognise a person? I didn't think more about it , but it must've stayed somewhere in my subconscious mind.

Ammayi,...As always,the most tactful person on earth. Maybe that's why she said, she would go and handle the monster. If there's a queen of diplomatic interpersonal relationships on earth, that'd be her.

Mom and dad, everything that epitomises safety and comfort for me. The moment I saw them under the umbrella, I knew we had been rescued. Even before they said, they had come to get us. I think I miss them too.

I think I do miss him. But there's nothing I can do about it. We missed so many years. I wish I could go back, pick him up once again, take him around for a little play, rock him in his cradle. . .

I think for now, I'll hold on to my memories.

87's Dear Diary