uughghgughguhguhgh cute red head coffee girl ugghgugghughguhguh

I wish I was healthy now lol good lord.

I want her to ruin my life in the best possible way.

Today is one week since The Great Blockening (TM). I will be okay. I'm looking forward to reclaiming my life. But reclaiming doesn't even seem like the right word. I felt like I've never had it. My life. The thought of Cortney being free from me makes me happy too. I've held her down for too long. I want her nothing but the best for her. Nothing less than she deserves. And whether she believes it or not, I just held her back. The truth is that we held each other back.

I'm continuing to read the Toxic Parents book. I should be getting new meds in the next few days. I'm going rock climbing with Matthew tomorrow and I'll start the gym back up in the morning. I took my week off of life. I allowed myself to feel and granted myself space and permission to take it easy. It was needed. I'm glad I did it. Not just for the obvious need for a break, but that I allowed myself to do it. That I wasn't hard on myself. That's a big deal for me. Tomorrow I will refocus back on the gym, eating better, not indulging in porn, etc. I'll get back on track tomorrow and it's critical that I do. It'll just take a few days to get back into the swing of things and then it'll all be second nature again. I just have to stay focused this week so I don't fall down that slippery slope. I'm not worried. I believe in myself. And I'm really looking forward to going climbing with Matthew tomorrow. Like a lot. Tomorrow will be a good day. I can feel it.

Courage over comfort.

Okay I've been here for a few hours. Time to go home and let Luna out and eat dinner and watch super until bed.

Pari's Dear Diary