Dear Diary,

I always used to wonder why it's so hard for certain people to pass through difficult times. I thought they were being too sensitive or they are refusing to see the brighter side. But only when I was put in a terrifying situation, I related with those people. It's not about the sensitivity or refusing to be positive, it's just pure love and fear.

My husband was ill for few days. Looked like UTI then it seemed like constipation issue. But all the while it was diabetes. It was quite shocking to see the number on the machine. It was 300 something. Moreover the constipation was part of the diabetes effects, was giving him back pain which was intolerable as days went by. So he went to urgent care on Friday. They also checked his blood level and said the number was too high and asked him to move to ER room.

He called me while he was on the way home and asked me to pack some clothes for both of us since we'll be going there. I was already prepared since he told it might be necessary. Yet, I got too upset and was scared shitless.

We left to ER room. All the while updating his cousin brother and his wife, who is living in the same county as us. In the ER, the nurse gave him the hospital gown and asked us to wait. I wasn't in a steady mind to catch her name either. She did stop in between to check on me, asked if I was okay. I'm glad she did that. I was not okay but kept my face and mood up.

I didn't have breakfast and it was around 11am something. Had a splitting headache and was too worried about husband.

Two doctors came in, asked what was wrong and why we have come to ER. Then the main doctor informed about further tests and then we can come to some conclusion. He also said that most probably we wouldn't have to stay in the hospital to which I was so thankful. I couldn't imagine staying there for the night with the agonizing feeling in the pit of my stomach and heart.

Blood work came out okay except for sugar levels. The nurse said that sodium level is low and put him on IV. Two more nurses stopped by and took some more blood.

Finally doctor returned once the IV was nearing it's end. He said that let's call it diabetes for now. It seemed like it. Then he asked us to follow the medications and follow up with our general physician by this week and get to the bottom of this.

We returned to our apartment by evening. Started with medications and updated his cousin and husband's mom alone. Haven't informed others in the close knit circle.

It feels like our life had took an 180° turn in a blink. I gotta google a lot before deciding his meal. Gotta cut down on rice, which is our staple food. Gotta give him something or the other for every two to three hours. It's already exhausting.

I thought I could hold up my act but I broke down on Saturday night. I felt sorry for him and also disappointed in life that why did it have to happen so early? I know there are kids and babies having this disease. But I didn't expect to face it this early. We're just married for two years now.

After the breakdown, I feel a lot lighter and decided not to breakdown ever again. I noticed that his energy lowered when I broke down. Since I have gotten it out of my system, I'm gonna only smile and try to brighten up our life as much as possible and get through this shit together!

BD's Dear Diary