Darling ghost,

From the past I dug:

2021

June 7

Carelessness

It's the poison that burns in my vein, as the blood turns into a flame, my death is eminent. How ominous your premonination? How terrifying your indifference?! Yet I die. Oh, how I die?!

June 12

Want

The idea of someone wanting you is so beautiful I want to drown in it. Forget everything you ever wanted and then want differently. Just the moment makes all the difference in the world.

June 16

To be better

I am impulsive and do whatever I want and consequently, I am bound by carelessness. Whether it is pronunciation, grammer or use of langauge as a whole. Because of my short coming, I constantly face embarrassment that I hardly notice.

June 19

Back

"Home is where the heart is" whomever said that was a one hell of a liar. My heart is not noticeably bereft but it's where I always come back to. Thus, it is my home and my sanctuary where I can be myself. Desire is such a delicious concept; it ruins you yet it is the only thing that keeps you from giving up. As the desire roast in my heart, I believe it is ready to be eaten.

June 20

Not yet

For now, I am going to stand up and get ready to run. Often, I miss being by myself and then, I think to myself should I just break what I have now? But I think about the loneliness I would feel without the sweet voice. So, I wake up again to hear him.

June 21

Blossom of your songs

For the sweet spring that you sang to me,

I could only listen gently like wind

Scared of the winter that slipped away

Yet longing for blossom more than my name.

If only I am brave

To see this spring in the dreams

But as your petal spiral my soul

I waver in every sun rise

I am afraid my dear

The future of our fantasy calls me a coward

But you know my name

Call me and I am yours

For every fancy of your strings.

June 23

Motivation

It is scarcely in me like the rain in the desert. Although I drowsily nod off towards regret, I still dare to dream. I no longer believe I will be great, this is my peak. And it is so sad, so bitter yet I dare to dream. I believe that it won't last because nothing gold can stay yet again I dare to dream.

Hope kills me yet it save me.

July 1

Bitter

How bitter am I

That she was condemned

How bitter am I

That he stand above

How bitter am I

That I cannot defy

How bitter am I

That he speaks of the things too large

How bitter am I

That she belongs to him

How bitter am I

That I belong to him

How bitter am I

That he loves me

How bitter am I

That I am bitter towards him.

July 12

Home

I don't wanna go back. Not where every link has been broken and every effort has turned useless. Above all, I fear that I turn into a worse person when I go to the college. The fact that I have someone that adores me doesn't consoles me in the least. It's not his fault, it's mine. It's my irredeemable want to be left alone and paranoia that relates relationships with chaos. What I see is a "full of hassle" life but it's bound be beautiful right? It's bound to be. I must remain cheerful for myself and for him that seems so beloved.

July 29

And still I love myself more

August 11

If you listen, I am sure you will know. How wretched I am. How pathetic I am. How weak I am. If you could just listen to yourself. You could haveade difference- not in the world but in your world. If only you listened

September 9

Why

When you read, you are awake. You see what you have been longing for. When you think, you are finally touching something again or for the first time. Above all, you carry no burden. You are free.

And you shall be as long as you read stories and have the blue castle.

November 22

It's just silly how you want me to believe in you. To love you and when I do, you walk away. Leaving me stranded. If you were going to walk away, you should not have moved me. You should not have touched me. You should have left me alone. Like I like to be.

What if I am different from what you think I am

November 26

I thought i was immune to it,

This sootful air

This black crispy mist

I was naive

It ruined me.

As I breathe this fire

That burn away my oath

I shall hope to be a dragon

Not to steal your treasure

Nor sleep among gold

Or to blow this toxic air

But to fly away back to my valley.

Where the air is me

And the sky is wings

2022

February 9

Insecurities ate me

I am still swimming in the food basket

February 17

Within this reach,

I want to hold the world

In hot pink

Let the world wish

To be everything

Everything of you

May 20

the one inside of me is shut in the mask that I wear O so beautifully.

June 25

I am Origama but wait wait.... let's go back a lil. Hm... a bald lil baby fidgeting behind her mother. A very annoying existence. a psycho. But beloved. maybe even hated. your entire existence that encircles around the give and take concept. very funny.

A Satire.

a joke.

But oh so fun

August,21

There is this child in me that's losing its breath. everyday it's grasping for more air to breathe. it dying inside me. Save me. Save me. it weeps.

"come away o' human child, to woods and water wild. with a fairy hand in hand for the human world is more full of weeping than you can understand."-W.B. Yeats

Missnobody's Dear Diary