Dear Diary,

Idk I heard too many times hes not real? He's to impossible?

Idk. He just checks up on me in the mailroom sometimes...did you hear me when I first looked at you said oh wow and immediately covered my damn big mouth??

Idk, I saw a ghost in the psychward. I keep asking sgt? He keeps saying nick? Sorry im a little too fucked up???

I'm asking marine???

Oh lol nurse said airforce not him just a coincidence. Why does this pretty girl keep saying back of bitch? You can't have nic he's mine?

Um im not trying to, im talking to a marine, I remember a marine, but this nurse said airforce sooo

Similar

Same last name

Cant be right cuz he keeps saying airforce

Then I said a dumb joke I didn't think he'd get cuz no way not the same person just similar last name. I just say, you really remind me of someone I'm so comfortable around. So I sit down for a smoke break, cuz we used to do this back in Afghanistan over a camel crush. I mean this nurse reminds me so much of my sgt, it almost feels like Im talking toa ghost again. Fuck it, Im just ganna wink at my ghost in front of this coincidental nurse who told me airforce?

But my sgt wore the same uniform I did so, its ok to make a dark joke, Im just crazy I'm just joking cuz here I am again talking to a ghost...this nurse is probably just related to him or something

Lol hey sgt, when did you stop smoking lol

Nurse responds: because camel crush

Fucking ouch

Why do I feel like I just got bitch slapped by this random ass nurse....damn

I already asked so many times if you were my ghost, if you were my sgt back then, I cant see your face that well, so I can't tell, just this damn voice is too familiar.

Sgt noe never told me his first name

This nurse just keeps saying nick in his voice????

I dont know who the fuck this nurse is, uhhhh Im a mental patient right now

I beat myself up so bad and Im like fuck it, let me speak to my ghost

Nurse keeps telling me he is not my sgt, its impossible, Im like I know that you already told me do many times when I asked. I really was at my sgt's funeral

I didnt see the bodies there was a bomb. I snuck away to k9 unit, cuz fuck, so many here becuase remember there really was a bomb there

Fuck, i have to check these dog tags. I never said his name so he can't be here fuck

Sgt noe dog tags

Nope, im leaving, shut my eyes

I can only survive this

If I can't believe that soon enough he will come back

Stop trying to tell me he's dead

I can't do this

I TRIED SO HARD NO

I WON'T ACCEPT THIS

FUCK BACK TO THIS ASSHOLE UNIT

DID THESE TWO GUNNYS REALLY JUST SAY THAT TO ME RIGHT NOW? THEY KNOW I HAVE A LOADED GUN RIGHT?

THEY BOTH SAID, GUESS WHAT WE DID SEE THAT KISS, WE GOT HIM, HES DEAD BECAUSE YOU SAID HES BETTER THAN US BOTH

FUCK YEAH HE REALLY WAS

I CAN REALLY DO THIS

I ALMOST DONT GIVE A FUCK I AM ABOUT TO DO THIS

FUCK

DING A LING TOLD DAD..

I PROMISED Dad I could survive anything

But I cant tell him now I can only handle this is if I dont have to believe it because if I believe it

Now I don't whose promise Im breaking

But Im getting to numb

Just a reality check I promise,

Im sorry, I can only survive if I can carry around just a little drop of poison. Just a little cut.

Just a little pain to remember I still exist and I dont know if you will make it back, so much knowledge. So little power.

Please dont cry, its just taking a little too long for him to comeback. I promise dad if you can just ignore me for a little while longer and stop asking questions, just focus on your real daughters. I promise, if you can handle letting me go right now

I can find a way to survive all these truth bombs I am sitting on, because fuck I dont care about the truth anymore, I want to hang on to this lie that I have the power to cheat death and everyone I love makes it back home

You looked at me and said fine have it your way

Now its worse because I see your tears...

Im so sorry

Damn

You really are the best father figure I ever had

Im so glad we met. It makes me so happy to hear you talk about how much you will spoil your daughter's. Ok, love you dad, your the best

I promise to find a way to safely take the edge off. Just keep talking about the good shit back home

But I swear if someone ever even hints that your not doing the right thing, if I am reminded I once saw tears in your eyes or even a tiny tremble in your voice, or even just what I decide is disrespectful to you, Im ganna beat someones ass.

Yay were home this is so great!

Wait who the fuck called him and made him say that?

Who the fuck in here thought it was cool to laugh when he said those fucking words? Oh yeah, Im rolling up these sleeved Im seeing red who the fuck keeps calling this a joke??

Um marine??

Uh good job good job???

Uh easy girl???

Rank????

Oh shit

Im such a dumb blonde

Cuz um fuck rank

Uhhhh? Is this good? Am I looking at a daddys girl?

No way, its just a joke your not even my real dad but it doesnt matter. You're just the same age as my mom ..

What about my sister? The tattle tale? Ding a ling?

You just asked us both how did you become dad? Your just like what 32???

And we said at the same time yes you are old enough.

Then I say trust me its a good thing lets leave it at that?

And then you say is it because I have daughters. She doesnt get it cuz she forgot and its embarrassing, cuz she wont shut up about her "cool dad" in front of everyone

You werent supposed to hear that yet, I havent explained the double meaning in a way she can fucking understand yet....

Now im embarrassed cuz I dont want to say it, its too damn cute and gross I want to barf, shes too damn girly for me, i want to be badass no seriously dont say a little cute fuck you man im trying to be badass lol...

Did I ever here you tell me

Um yeah,

That is scary

But also kind of cute

Ewwwwwww

Stand down marine

Lol

Fine Ill stand down

But bitches better remember

Its only cuz dad said so

Oh did I just say that outloud?

Nope Im a dumb blonde

Obviously hes not my real dad

Im not a daddys girl

Gross too cute

Man, idk whenever I see cute I want to barf

But um if I blurt don't you fuck with my dad

At that age Im too immature to admit,

Yeah I heard myself call you call you dad just cuz im that proud of you, but that also kind of embarrassed cuz I just asked

"Who wants to fight a daddysgirl?"

Oh but there is no way you heard that

Btw, you wife is also really fucking cool

Um but do you remember that one time we hung out...and you were like

Uh, I dont think your ready for a strong drink?

Um, Im 21 now its ok

Look, Im just trying to say let your wife give me the strong drink? I can read, and that is alcohol free mixes you keep offering...

Then your wife steps in and says "damn she's 21 let her have a drink!"

And I shout "exactly!"

Know she and I are both laughing cuz you keep asking, "are you sure its not to strong?"

"Um I dont know, you sure you dont want to sit down and drink with us?

Its ok we can just talk as women

Damn the more I talk to your wife the cooler she gets! Wow, you both are so damn great.

So I dont know dad taught me to be a strong ass marine,

But sometimed women just need to talk too. So yeah, thanks for letting me get to know you both, after all, you both taught me this

"Strong female marines exist and damn we are that cool"

Eyemanlost's Dear Diary