Dear Diary,

Yesterday I was musing to myself and realised how much I had grown up over the last couple years, not physically but emotionally.

A little back story:

Maybe about 6-7 years ago, I felt tired and sick of everything and everyone around me. All of the people I knew had something to whine about their life, there were too many emotionally messed up people, just too many people with lets say,...life impediments. And I absolutely hated the drama and the baggage that came with it. I'm a no-drama person, I hate being involved in emotional shit. Maybe I'm a bit of sociopath, but I don't get what all the whining is about. When I have a rough time, I suck it up and move on. The only rare times that I broke out, I felt disgusted hours later that I had done that.

Anyway I vowed maybe around 16-17 that I would get out of this situation when I get the chance to take control of my life. Some people are motivated by money, some people by career success, I was motivated by the goal that I'd work hard enough so one day I can surround myself with well-adjusted individuals who led non-dysfunctional peaceful normal lives. Friends, coworkers, husband everyone would have to meet this criteria.

Anyway fast forward to present, I look around and the imperfect people are still there. Some left got replaced by new ones. But I no longer feel the ache to run away from them. Actually, I might even like them. Maybe age and life experiences made me more unaffected by drama. I am at peace. Maybe I am also an imperfect drama queen who doesn't like to admit the truth to herself.I accept that certain things in life cant be controlled and the best thing to do is to just go with the flow. Accept the people who come along your way, be kind to them, and just get on with life. I still bump into people with perfect childhoods, amazing families leading drama-free lives. For a brief moment, I wonder what it's like to lead such a life. But it no longer bothers me that my life is imperfect. It's no longer a handicap for me. I'm at peace with myself, my people and my circumstances.

Thank you,

M.

Hank's Dear Diary