Dear Diary,

It's been long. Many things have happened.

I'll start from home. Mom came and said with a different face of love and asked, to see the girl at least once, and I said yes. ok , I will. It's not mom's fault actually, it was just me, giving in to the fear. Then everyone at home were getting really happy, like I have finally said yes, people were congratulating and all, but nobody knew that I was only feeling like choking inside. And seeing them all happy about it, made me Very angry from the inside like I hated everyone.

We came back to Hyderabad, they expected us to meet, I thought maybe if I keep an open mind, I can give it a try, maybe this is what destiny has for me, maybe that's how I'll find someone too, I talked to gandhi, he said he has met the right person. I thought maybe I can too. So I wanted to give it a try, I saw her insta ( I didn't want it to be a process of families setting up everything). I don't want it to feel like a contract, If it happens, I wanted to feel this, like fall in love with someone. So I tried talking to her, she seemed a little less enthusiastic about it, like she wanted families to decide first, I of course couldn't understand her point. I thought how can she do this, how can she leave this on her families, later i understood.

We were chatting and i found, we are very opposite. She doesn't like tech much, she doesn't think much, we had some common things too, she bakes. I also felt she is too rigid about her beliefs. She didn't like the book of questions (I think it's ohk, and i am never going to suggest that thing ever again to anyone. I am done with it). I didn;t see this excitement from her side and i didn;t feel that excitement either.

Then we met today, when i met her i realized, she isn't that rigid about her opinions. She is fun too, she was listening too. Then i spoke to Ruchi, i spoke to Vamp, Sweety. They all explained a girl's perspective,

I understood her better now.

I didn't see the excitement in her yet. After returning home, we messaged, she said, she told her parents that she would want to meet me again, i said i could have said that too, it's a good one. But she said, 'you dont want to do that, ryt ?`.

I said yes.

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One thing is. Yeah i didn't see the excitement in either of us, and I really think it may not be a good match. But i know that hidden from everyone, there is another reason too.

It is the reason, why i dont want to try more with her, or why i don't want to see any more girls, or why i behaved rude with komal too.

Its because i believe, i will never get the perfect one, because i know my perfect one, and i dont know, if...

Even if it happens someday, I wanted that to be love, happy thing and not all these complicated events, i dont want to hurt more people, i wish, just this part, god, dont complicate it please. I dont know what to do god. show me the light. I know that she wont be happy either if she ever found what i went through. Ofcourse, I don't want that. Or maybe, tmrw, when we grow up more, we'll understand that, however weird this all feels, probably this is how we learn to live. These are also happening to teach us some lessons, that's all.

I don't know what it is. It feel not good today, I feel like vomiting something out of me.

Goodnight.

Unicorn Queen's Dear Diary