Dear Diary,

Had a bad day at work. Frustrated. Angry. Mad.

I can’t believe the people who I thought were more experienced and sensible than me would come up with totally non-sensical BS.

Well, I guess when you see fresh dollars flashing before your eyes, all common sense will fly right over your head.

I know the thing wont work, and I still have to work on it because I was told to. I cant believe I am going to spend my time and energy on making something that I’m sure will be axed in the end. This is not the first time this has happened. But everytime something like this happens, i tell myself, next time, we should be more organised and try to figure out everything before everyone gets to work. But it never happens. I don’t know if finally I’ve run out of fuel.

Some days i love my work. Today i hate it. Actually it’s been the worst so far.

Well, one could say, they’re paying you anyway, so why not just do your 9-5 on whatever they ask you to do, and then leave? ….is that how its supposed to be?….I don’t want that for myself, I want to work on something, where I can make an impact on the end product, no matter how little that impact is,..hopefully something good for humanity. So that I can go home and show my family, this is what we did. But I’m not feeling that now.

I spent the last 2 days researching on this.…16 hours…and i couldn’t make any connections…it’s just not happening. it’s not our thing. these people are delusional if they think this is something we should try out….

We don’t have enough data. We don’t have enough evidence. If We are going to work on this thing, it’s going to be purely based on some assumptions we concocted in our mind…that’s not how it’s supposed to be…and they expect me to validate critical information based on information off the internet. No company is stupid enough to leave their sensitive data floating around the web. They have to make calls and connect with relevant people, understand the ground reality, if they want to make a game plan.

I thought it was just 1 person dreaming up sand castles in the air. I talked to him, I gave up. I talked to the next guy, I thought he’d understand…but no,…he turns out to be even more bonkers about the idea…i dont even want to talk about how that conversation went.

He kept telling me about numbers,...numbers..numbers..more numbers...the possibilities.

You can keep multiplying numbers and imagine how many bucks you could make out of this..10*40*500 and so on. sky is the limit……but first you’ve to figure out if anybody would want your thing in the first place..without that if you keep piling up greedy thoughts in your mind,..then like a giant pile of cards, it will all crumble down in the end. Wasting the efforts of everyone who built those cards in the first place.

I’ve had many wtf moments in my career. But this has been the worst. Every time I think it can’t get worse than this,…something would happen soon,..breaking the previous stupidity record.

Jesus,….The moment he started talking,…i couldn’t believe what he said…i cant get it out of my head,….it keeps ringing and ringing in my ear…my jaw would have dropped to the floor if it could,…it went against everything against we were doing already….

Sometimes I question my judgement over deciding to work here… I came here to learn. To get sound business temperament…and yet sometimes I feel my pea-brain has better sense of judgement than whatever is in their head. Sometimes, I laugh thinking the best thing i learned here is not how to be the best,..but how not to suck..

I’ve ranted enough…i hate that tomorrow i have to go and work on the same thing again..

i hope tomorrow i can wake up with a fresh mind and forget all of this and start over.

Axl's Dear Diary