Dear Diary,

It's been 417 days since your first note. But there is something which gives me a little hitch everytime someone asks me why i made it. I tell few things -

"Because i wanted to listen to people."

"I wanted to help people."

"Its a not for profit, I built it because, i believe we all just judge everyone not knowing their story, so this is a platform to tell your story with a pen name without the fear of being judged. You know, thats why there is no like button"

"I built it for teenagers, because i believe these days lot of teenagers are depressed while all they need is someone to hear their story. This small action of writing a diary and knowing that people are reading his/her story itself can help him heal".

And some other versions of these.

But everytime i tell this to people, inside me, something just feel uncomfortable, like if i am lying. When i built it, i had all these things in mind, they were all Reasons, but something inside me tells that they were not the primary reasons.I think, I just tell these because it makes me look like a good person who wants to help someone. But my gut denies that.

While secretly i kept telling myself that It is a gift for her birthday. It was an initial motivation for me to build it, and probably that's the reason i could build it quickly, because i had to build it before her birthday. The thought of giving her a company as a birthday gift sounded awesome in my brain. But this is also not the true reason. It never became a company and I never gifted it to her.

I told Sandeep from dubai that its a good business idea, Imagine having the true stories from around the world. We know the exact sentiments of people and what people are going through. This is true information, We wont use the individual person's data. But anonymously sentiment of people as a whole could also be a good thing. But this was least true. I cannot make millions with it and making a few bucks wont give me a satisfaction anyway.

What i feel my gut wanted to say me is this. I think this is a project i made, just for my portfolio, it enables me talking to people that i have made something, it looks good on my resume, gives me title of Founder of something, and gives me a sense of achievement that i have made something. That i made it just because i had some free time and i am addicted to learning new things and it was just my practice ground. Its there just for my portfolio.

I dont like these reasons though. They are mean and selfish reasons. But this is what my gut feels comfortable with. So, To my stupid selfish gut... 🥂

But while i am writing it, i think i am realizing something. All the things written above the reasons are also true. They are my Motivation. Without motivation i possibly couldn't have made it. They were also important. And Infact today i saw someone's note, i know i cant help her directly, But i think writing that note would help her realize many things which would have been just clouded thoughts in her mind until now... I know its a drop in an ocean, but this motivates me even more and makes me happy, that even if its a tiny bit, i have done something about helping someone. Thats what i have always wanted. Because i always wanted to be like my Dad.

That feels light now... 😀

Adios...

Xclabo's Dear Diary