♡Cha0tiik.Kizz♡'s Dear Diary

Index

October 10, 2025

It's getting hard for me day by day. I can't learn detachment. I really want to depend on someone. There's no one for me. It's hard. It's really hard. What shall I do? I want someone to stay with me 24/7. I can't stay alone. At night it's really hard

I need someone (July 16 2025) No people stays with me. What have I done to deserve this? What if I don't wanna be strong? I want to stay vulnerable with just one person. I want attention, care ,love. Am i greedy? I don't like same frames in my life. Seeing the same things again and again. Won't my life change? I know everyone says, life starts within you. What if I'm dead inside? Someone asked me, what's the three things you like about yourself? I don't know. I took time to think about and tell. But i can't find any answers. I just want to hug someone and cry. That's all I need. A tight hug.

March 30, 2025 it's another day. But I want it to end.

I feel like I lost in my life.Everyone arround me are winning.But I can't do anything. I feel like I'm a failure.I can't makemy parents proud.I can't be useful.I'm useless.I lost everyone.Friends became strangers. Parents were already strangers even

March 01, 2025 : Lesson 01

In order to be happy in life, Be a happy person orBe with a happy person. I waited for that person but I couldn't get one and I'm struck in the same place.Maybe god wanted me to be happy without anyone's help.But I'm not fit for that God.Please giv

March 01, 2025 : Afraid of what?

I'm afraid that someday I might get a husband like my father.I'm afraid I might gonna live my life like my mother.I told her to change. She's not stubborn she just can't change her past or change her true self. I'm afraid if I shout at her in anger f

Things I should never forget in my entire life. And need to remember every day

I need to leave my house soon. There's no such thing as family. In order to be happy, need money. I don't like anyone here. They just let me live here because I'm just birth daughter for them. I need to study.I need to go to work soon.I need to settl

December 28, 2024: Someone clarify me. You don't know the person , You don't know how they behave in real (behaviour when you both knew each other), But you've seen them from far, And know how they behave from what you saw few times, And you know how they behave with others from far You don't actually know about their real self. But you feel like you love them. You want to make efforts for them. You want a family with them. But when you been asked by someone : Do you love him/her or love the idea of him/her? What should you say? I don't know. It's a situation that came for my friend. And I too was in this situation long ago. But I couldn't find the answer for this. And right now I still got no answer for my friend who is in this situation. Someone help me with your experience!!

November 11, 2024

Is it wrong to need someone? I'm tired of trying loving myself.I'm tired of loving alone.Is it a sin to ask for a hand?Is it a sin to get help from a person? Is it a sin to need someone who makes me feel loved???Why should I always need to learn less

There's no such thing as a good ending. Until few days ago , maybe for a long time I lived I survived my life in the hope that one day I'll get a good ending. Like if I already got a bad start and bad middle , bad memories and maybe in future , I thought at the end I'll get a good ending, I'll find a home one day. But now I realised even though I got a bad start or bad life rn, it doesn't mean I'll get a good ending like in movies. I'm just suffering for the sins I might've done in my last life or in this life. Maybe I don't deserve a good ending. I don't have any hope. I'll never find a home. I know. What's the point in living with a hope? It's not hope, it's just being Delusional. I'm afraid to die too. Let's say, my sins that I don't know gets neutralized just by I'm living in miseries. And even if I deserve to go to heaven, I'm afraid that "what if heaven too will feels like hell". I don't wanna die then again go to hell. I don't wanna live to again living in hell. I don't know what to say so I'll just end my convo now.

October 16, 2024

I realised that, I'm been using: I don't know ,What shall I do? , I can't ,I want it to stop ...... Words a lot.

September 19, 2024

Dear God ... I want to go home. Build a home for me where I can find peace. I lost myself. I don't know who I am? Everyone started hurting me. But as you know, it's always from the loved ones, the pain. Everyone started blaming me. That made me bla

September 02, 2024

Oh god , please take me with you. I don't belong anywhere here. I can't live in a void. I didn't have any reason to live. I'm tired of seeing same things again and again. I don't wanna live. The thing is I really didn't live. I just survived. I beg y

July 30, 2024 I'm scared. I'm scared of people. I'm scared of my family. They make me sad. Why am I a victim of their inconvenience? People are scary. What should I do? Do money can solve anything??? Whatever in both ways people aren't happy with themselves and with their family. I want to have a home. Why I feel homeless when I'm in my house with my own family. I don't know. Do my parents love me? I know they don't show their love becoz they don't love themselves. What shall I do for that? I'm scared of people becoz of them. Why am I getting those horrible flashacks whenever I started to cry? Idk. Idk. Idk. I want to be loved but it feels like I'm being selfish? I think I gave all of my love to people who hurts me. What shall I do? Wanting something feels like a crime. I can't differentiate between wanting And being greedy !! I thought I can trick myself by thinking about someone I want to be with exists in my reality. I thought I can be happy. I laugh a lot. But I want to be happy !! Is it too much to ask for? God, I'm tired of the lessons you gave me. I can't even fake happiness. I'm of everything that goes wrong always. Think I got lost in a world where I don't exist. I don't feel like I'm existing. I'm tired.

July 28, 2024 "What does it feel like when you're not included?" Is it more painful for someone who knows how does it feel and makes everyone feel included? I feel like I became an "left behind person". Now I realised why sushant singh committed suicide ... I feel so low. It's not a single time. I'm tired. I want to live and not just survive. I hate people. I hate me for being good to people.

What shall I do? If I'm sad? I'm struck somewhere. There's so many things circling around my mind. I should do something rn. But I can't get my mind back. I know, I can't change everything overnight. I want to work hard.I don't wanna be dumb.Suddenly

Dear Diary, I've decided that I'm not going to look like a fool anymore, your lies & cheating ways destroyed me, I forgave you for it, and you continue to lie, I stayed even after you almost took away my life, you hurt me badly and your excuse is sti

Dear Diary, Well I'm not entirely sure what to do about this fucked up relationship I'm in, half of me says run and the other half says hang in there he'll change! I'm so lost right now God please help me.