April 24, 2026

Dear Diary,

I've decided that I owe it to myself to try and live without K. The first day was actually quite easy. I only thought about him a couple of times, however when the night rolled around i was visibly exhausted. My skin is so dry and itchy and my eyes looked like i had been crying all day. But I really hadn't. I think sometimes the body carries the stress you're not even aware of.

The bottom line is, I'm incredibly lonely. I wake up and i have maybe four notifications, which are just post notifications from different apps. I feel so out of place all the time, like a huge brown bear looming over everyone. I can sometimes see people's faces drop when i talk. it makes me feel awful. So I am on a mission to try and fix this. I spend my days cooped up in my flat because it feels too scary to venture out. I really don't think people like me, and i just don't understand why.

It's time for me to start living my life. I'm five years away from 30! I find that really scary. I'm not just a teenager running around a new town. I am an actual adult. Sometimes I look around at my life and see in the 6 years i have lived here, i have built nothing. BUT...

Let me talk to myself nice. Appreciate the small things:

• I have a flat in the city

• I have a job

• I (kind of) have my mental health in a semi-good place

So... lets get to it. This is my five years. To get to a place where i feel like i have a comfortable place in the world. These shall be my non negotiables. I will try to stick to them the best i can, if i remember i will try to keep a tally of the times i break these non negotiables and then i can reassess from there. Maybe i shall add and take away as and when needed. Here we go:

• Stop talking bad about yourself

• Try to have one conversation a day. This can be with anyone

• Journal once a day

• Do something social once a week

• Do one spiritual task once a week- meditation, sound bath, tarot pull. Journal after this

• Push my boundaries. Do something scary even just to confirm it is scary and i wont do it again.

• Look after number one before anyone else. Don't say yes to things you dont actually want to do. Move your body. cleanse and groom it

• Know when to rest and know when to get back out there

We're on a journey of self love! Lets get to a place where I feel happy in my own skin. This is what i truly think is my downfall- I dont like being out because i don't like myself. I have lived this way for 25 years and clearly this doesn't work. Time to shake shit up.

Forever keeping it pushing

-L