April 16, 2026

Hi there. Real-life human here. I just finished reading your entry, and I'm feeling compelled to reach out. Human to human. Based on your style of writing, the mentions of your mother (I feel you, my mother is a total basket case, and I may or may not have inherited some of her less favorable traits), and your relationships with AI, I assume that you're quite a bit younger than me. I've always thought that if I ever got my life together and could maintain a real career, I'd get into the field of counseling, probably in behavior health for minors. My issues started around age 12-13, when I was misdiagnosed as bipolar thanks to my extreme mood swings. Puberty wasn't fun. Anyway, as your elder, I feel compelled to offer you some unsolicited advice. I usually can't stand it when anyone offers advice that I didn't ask for, but you're the one who posted your entry publicly, and the comment section called out to me. So, here it goes: First of all, it seems like you're already aware that you need to be cautious with AI. It sounds like you haven't really experienced any significant human relationships yet, and that's okay. If you have, I would guess that those relationships ended with you getting hurt, and feeling even more alone. I could be wrong, of course, but it takes a specific personality to desire relationships with AI, having that companion to carry around in your pocket, as you described, rather than feeling a desire for real, human connection. Take it from me, when you find your "pack", it probably won't be wolves, but will instead be the people who you can reach out to at 3 AM after a particularly rough night, or before/after a PTSD shower. The people who get you, will listen to you, and will know just what to say to snap you out of it. Sometimes those people are calm, loving, sincere... others are blunt, straightforward, but can always make you laugh. You will find your pack, if you remain open to finding them. I can't recommend enough to NOT isolate yourself and stay stuck in your misery. You may or may not be aware of this, but I've heard absolute horror stories about the things that AI has convinced younger, vulnerable minds to do. Teenagers and young adults have died. I'll leave it at that, and pray that you have the brains to know when it's time to delete the apps and go touch some grass. "Nerding out", as I call it, has become the new normal, and as a 34 year old who had the blessings of growing up in the 1990s, before there were even computers in every home, and before locked doors and constant supervision became necessities, it absolutely terrifies me. I'm both scared, and also feel a strange sense of pity for the younger generations. I can't even imagine what it was like to be ripped out of school during COVID, for example, but if I'm being honest, I think the problem was growing long before that. I encourage you to use the internet to find a platform where you might be able to find your pack, as I mentioned before. Even places like Reddit (completely inappropriate for under 18, if you ask me, but if you use it for the right reasons, it's acceptable) can be used as a forum, where you share your thoughts and feelings JUST LIKE THIS, except you can recieve messages and form relationships with people who relate to you. I think it could make a big difference in your life if you were able to experience how many other people there are in the world who feel just like you, or at least relate in a similar way. Please, give it a try. Not necessarily using the cesspool that is Reddit, but I'm sure you're bright enough to find something that will work for you and connect you with the right type of people. Okay, moving on (yes, there's more!): It sounds like English is your second language, so without knowing if you live in Germany or America, as an American I have to beg of you, please, if you're wanting to be a part of American culture and find American friends, please don't fall into the trap of gender identity, or ideology politics, in general. It's all fake and gay, it's man-made, and it has caused more turmoil, more suicide, more division in our country than just about anything else. I used to be very liberal; blue hair and a septum piercing, before it was known as a sign of what someone believed in. I still identify as bisexual, despite being in a monogamous relationship for over 5 years, and I'm a female who's partner in life is a male, who also identifies as bisexual. That being said, please don't get me wrong. I'm not some bigoted conservative redneck trying to convince you of anything. I'm simply asking you to remain open to both sides of every argument, before accepting any invites to protests or joining any extremist groups. There are radical views on both sides, and somewhere close to the middle is always going to be the best place to be, for both your own mental sanity, and your relationships/interactions with others. I'm sure you've realized by now that my reason for mentioning all of this is based on your silly mention of applying "gender" when it may or may not be appropriate. I'm sorry for whatever has led you to this mindset, and to tell you the truth, the vast majority of Americans are fully aware that this type of extreme ideology is a total joke. Two things can be true at once, however. Most Americans believe that gay and trans identifying individuals should have the right to get married, work at any career, and live the same fulfilling lives, with the same rights as any American. It's a beautiful thing, how far we've come. However, like I already said, there are radical people on both sides. If you identify as a woman, (trans woman), but you look like a morbidly obese MAN, then the right thing to do is to stay out of women's spaces, and not put women at risk of being harmed by your physical superiority in sports. This is what's known as "common sense" to most, and bigoted transphobia to others. I can't imagine what a miserable existence it must be to always be the victim. It's really common to lean left when you're younger, but before you decide on who to vote for next, or question every English word you use, worrying that you might offend someone: take a breath. It's not that serious. Anyone who might feel offended because someone who learned English as their second language has their own problems that they should sort out before calling you out. I hope you don't read this and think I'm anything that I'm not. I'm far more open-minded than many people I've met throughout my life. I've just reached an age where things aren't so serious, and my priorities have gone from gay rights activism to starting a family with the person I'm in love with. I believe that you can find happiness, and it's probably not going to found in your pocket if it ends up filled by a tiny robot companion. That being said, "Beep Boop" is brilliant. I've used that to refer to robots in the past, too. I think if you were open to it, we could be fast friends. Either way, I'm rooting for you. Try to remember that any time you're feeling especially alone. There's at least ONE human here on Earth, even if she's just some random lady who commented on your diary entry, who is in your corner and wants the best for you.