April 09, 2026

Dear Diary,

today my mom throws away my kitten. i'm not shocked nor sad because this is not the first time she had done this, i'm rather angry at myself because i can't do a thing about it. i still have 5 cats at home though, that i have successfully kept but my family just keep on using them as leverage every time we argue. i guess that's the only reason my mom let me keep those cats, so they can use them as punching bags every time they're upset with me. not because they can't hit me, but because they knew it would hurt me more if my cats are being beaten. atp, i'm beginning to be scared of myself too. one time before i searched on the internet if rat poisons could kill a cat or a person. i've had this weird idea of killing someone, maybe my cats to end their agonies, maybe a family member who laid a hand on them, or maybe myself for being so pathetic. please tell me i'm not a madman. this entry just escalated.