March 29, 2026

Do I blame menopause? Do I blame his mid life crisis? Children leaving? 

It's hard because on one hand we are good together or so I thought we were, yet on the other maybe not. Have we just grown apart like so many other 50+ couples do? 

So we agreed we need a "total reset" whatever that means...& see if we actually like each other & his words 'either it will build, or it won't'

I've felt for a while that I'm more into him, then he is me. Or my needs are more about intimacy & connection, while he seems happy with lodgers that just don't argue. There's been no intimacy for about 9 months now. 

Sadly loss of sex drive is the menopause symptom I don't have. 

What I do know is I wasn't ready to throw in the towel on the 'us'. Not yet. I'm not sure why but something in my heart said no. 

I'm hurting. Cried every day since. It's a lonely place to be. Thrown myself into work and tried to cut through the thick tension that exists here. 

Best friends have been amazing. I know they've got my back. 

I'm very much a "If we talk about it, we understand it, and then we can fix it." To me, silence feels like a barrier.

He seems to think "If we talk about it, we will fight. If we just do things together without fighting, we will heal." To him, silence is the "safe space" where rebuilding happens.

In my head I've said I give it a year. These thoughts need to leave my head so hello diary.  Let's see where we are in a year. Is rebuilding actually possible? Ask me in a year.