March 09, 2026

Dear Diary, This is day 2. i alread talked a bit about my self, and for privacy of my friends i wont talk about them much. i will leave most thinks easy and simple.

last night was something, after i started writing a dairy my emotions were everywhere. i dont have a lot of friends but i tend to join servers and try and find new people to talk to. Occassionally ill try and talk to my "friends", in quotations because idk if half of them are my friends. like my older ones, the ones i knew the longest we would go months if not a year not talking. things changed and no one ever wants to completely active anymore, nothings fun. so if i message them they might respond but theyll tell me theyre busy. weekends or not. Even if they are unemployed and not doing school they have friends that they would rather play with, im just last resort to most of them. But im used to it.

last night i joined a few servers. An 18+ sfw server and a few autism or introvert servers. theyre alright. i doubt ill actually talk in them. most of the servers im in ar DM servers anyways. but someone messaged me from one of the new servers i joined. we talked a bit and i really liked them, they were fun to hang out with. we might of moved quick, idk if its a bad thing but we really like eachother, she told me about her ex, pretty much she said she did something wrong and i did my best to comfort her and give her someone to talk to. idk if its a bad thing, most of my friends come and go usually.

some of my other friends messaged me, one i try to comfort but idk what to do. they want to sleep call and im down for it but they never want to sleep when i do, and theyre always way too upset to talk about anything on call or text. the most i can do is tell them im here for them so that kinda sucks. i wish i could do more, i wish i wasnt stuck inside all of the time. i need to get my license soon. this is terrible

but i stayed up till around 3am sadly. not the worse thing ive done but i need to stop doing that. but around 12am i had about 4 people message me at once, i honestly got so overwhelmed, one i just met that ive been texting around, one asking to sleep call, one i kinda new for a bit but theyre nice, but theyre never online or anything, we usually just check up on eachother. and another i recently met id say a few days ago. we talked to get to know eachother. they messaged me at the same time, i didnt know what to do i honestly felt sick. it may not sound as bad rn, but idk why but in the moment i didnt know what to do. it felt wrong to ignore them, i dont like ignoring people, if they message me i wanna respond. but i sadly ended up ignoring 1... i doubt well end up being friends sadly anyways, they dont seem too interested in talking to me.

anywho, i ended up getting things sorted, i slept on call with one my friends in the end but they werent too social, not like they were in general. fell asleep around 3am.

today...
so, today nothing eventful happened yet, i woke up around 4am, said goodmorning to people i said i goodnight to, and nothing much. woke up around 4pm which is terribl. but i started to do chores, i said i was gonna do chores. my room is an actual mess and i hate it, but its getting warm and hot, i hate the heat, and i didnt shower yesterday so i have today. i also said i was gonna do laundry yesterday and i didnt. im so fucking lazy, i hate myself for how lazy i am. i need to clean my room, do laundry, do dishes, take out my trash, and just clean up in general. its not a lot but i just dont want to do anything. Anyways, i woke up a little hungry. i offered to make dinner, usually when we have my brother we cook and when we dont we fend for our selves, which means we usually just make leftovers or some so it doesnt go to waste. but today i made premade alfrado. store bought, its not bad. i added steak seasoning to give it a little more flavor which actually helped a lot my opinon. around 6-7pm after i ate i went to my room and played rocket league and look at my phone every chance i get to see if anyone messaged me other than people i message. only a few people but, dm requests from random people thats it, besides the one girl i met yesterday that liked me. she seems quiet today and im afraid i did something wrong honestly. well.... if ima be honest she asked me to be her girlfriend, online which i guess theres nothing wrong with. but idk if she likes me weve been saying i love you back and forth for a bit, she said she missed the affection and ima be honest me too. but i feel like shes feels forced. after that i got off around 8pm, its 8:30pm rn so not long ago. i actually gotta let my dog out rn, so ima do that and hopefully start my laundry and shower after i get back. if anything happens ill update this