//translated
Dear Diary, the power outage schedules have been updated, and now I have a relatively decent amount of time before the next blackout. I’ve put the power bank on charge for now.
Damn, it felt nicer to express my feelings in English… or maybe safer, I’d say. In my physical diary I use a cipher, so rereading takes more time, and the words feel different in general—I can’t just skim them in a single glance like I can here. When I write in my native language, it feels like I’m standing naked in front of a crowd. That’s why my digital entries will probably be rather restrained emotionally, at least for now.
I honestly don’t even know what to do anymore. It feels like during the holidays I managed to do everything and nothing at the same time. Now I finally understand those girls. I’m unbelievably bored, damn it.
Movies? Yeah, I watched some. Two just today. I get tired of one activity very quickly, especially if it involves my phone.
Go for a walk? There’s nowhere to go. There’s a ridiculous amount of snow and the cold is brutal. Realistically, the only place to walk is the forest—and even then, I’m not sure I’d go now, because there’s so much snow I’d definitely get it into my boots. The nearest city is two hours away, and even that can only boast a small park and a centre with an ATB, an Aurora, and a second-hand shop. Would I like to go there right now? Of course I would, but I freeze easily—and not just a little, I’ve got a weak immune system too. And getting sick right before uni really isn’t something I want. No thanks.
Play something? I’m sick of it. After that Minecraft race with that guy, where the total playtime for the week hit around 50 hours, I don’t want anything anymore. Terraria too, for now, even though it’s interesting. I’m just tired of screens.
Wood carving? A cool idea, but I’d need to somehow get a sharp knife… and that’s not easy here. There are only kitchen knives, and they’re either tiny vegetable ones or massive meat ones. I’d rather order proper tools first and then try. Still, the idea isn’t bad.
Embroidery? I wanted to embroider some kind of pattern over the hole in my jeans, but now I think I’ll just sew it up. They tore a bit during washing, right at the knee crease. Embroidery would probably look out of place there anyway. You’ll be able to tell something was repaired because of the fabric structure, but while walking it shouldn’t be too noticeable—and whatever. I don’t really have a choice, because until the state support comes through, I won’t be able to buy new jeans (unless I find some in a second-hand shop, which is unlikely). And they’re great—I found them at a thrift store and bought them for 160 hryvnias. That kind of fit is hard to find in regular shops. They’re perfect, damn it. No, I’m wearing them until the very end.
I don’t have any other options.
I don’t want to scroll and mindlessly stare at Reels or TikTok. YouTube is exhausting too, because I already watched way too much of it during the blackouts. And I’ve read enough as well.
Aaaaa damn it, what am I supposed to do?
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