January 07, 2026

 

Dear Diary, i came back, i remembered something important.


Today is my grandfather's birthday, and on days like this, grief seems to become a part of us, like a pet we feed every day.

I like to remember him as a light, a huge, bright light that extinguishes any trace of darkness that exists. I remember when I was ten years old and he took me to the movies, bribing people to let me in because I wanted to see a horror film that was far from suitable for someone my age.I remember traveling with him to other cities, listening to music that I barely understood but enjoyed hearing him sing,and I remember the day I had the courage to tell him that I liked girls, and how he welcomed me and said, "It's okay, I love you the same way, but don't tell your grandmother if I'm not by your side, she might not react very well, but I'll be there."

Six years ago I lost him, and I believe I lost a part of myself with him. Something like an important piece that should still be here. I feel guilty for not having fully moved on, for sometimes wishing he would return, even if only in dreams. I should let him go, but the longing makes you lose your senses a little.

I would like to say that the sun woke up shining a little brighter today, I believe that it is, its infinite light manages to reach even the brightest of stars. I love you, and I miss you so much sometimes because you leave me with small pieces and you know, behind the universe.
There is a little bit of God in losses, because I started to believe in that when he left, because I don't think it's fair that someone so good left and simply ceased to exist, there has to be something that makes him come back to the world at some point and finish spreading all those infinitely good things that existed in him.
I hope I meet him again. And even if I don't know who he will be, some fragment of my soul will recognize him.
I love you, my old cowboy, and I miss you every day, I hope you are well!
I'm still here for you.
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