Dear Soulmate,
There are only two days left before the advent of Christmas. I don’t have much in my pocket, that is my fault, but I shopped for gifts last night nonetheless. For my older sister, I chose a Charles Dickens book and a Stephen King novel. I don’t know if these are good (Little Dorrit and The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon), but they’re from a booksale—meaning secondhand, yet fancily hardbound—hence why I chose them. She’s been hyperfixating on books lately, especially classics, so I thought it would be nice to have Dickens and King among her growing collection. For my niece, a $10 hardbound Mickey Mouse book—yes, the most expensive of all the items I bought. My friends Venice, Cara, and Esther will each receive an identical brown notebook, an identical black pen, and another identical, very cute brown hand fan. They do not cost much; that’s why I will compensate for the simplicity with something intimate and personal: an overly exaggerated, ink caricature of them on the first page of the notebook, and a letter on the back page. I’m excited to meet them again and immensely curious about the presents I shall receive. The priciest of them all will probably come from Cara .. The initial plan for our reunion was a dinner party at this high-end casino place, and I was ecstatic about it because I’ve never been there. However, a small, sinister voice at the back of my head had another motive for looking forward to it… Esther thinks it’s too expensive, so we’re dining somewhere else instead, which dampened my enthusiasm, but is probably for the best. Only Cara knows of my gambling addiction.. Venice got pregnant too early and made us all godmothers, so for her beautiful daughter, I bought a $5 pink Barbie pencil case.
I don’t really know what to give my parents and younger sister. The little wench is drowning in debt, so it would be more practical to give her money. Father would be delighted to receive the same as well, as oftentimes I’ve heard him complain he’d rather have money than something he didn’t choose to have. And yes, he’d spend it on gambling, because gambling makes him happy more than anything. So for the three of them, it will be cash—the costliest of all. Ugh. I know it’s the time of merriment and love, but there is no denying that I hold no fondness for my family anymore, save for my niece. Hanging out with my friends again is the only thing I look forward to when I came along back to this city.
My trip to the mall granted me two bags to bear in each hand. I endeavoured to head straight to our hotel to unload my burden, but my stomach craved some triangle kimbap for dinner, so I went to 7/11, and as I was about to push the door open with my entire body, this outlander, tall and handsome, reached for the handle with immediacy and pulled it open for me. For 10-15 minutes straight I walked the streets laden with the extra weight of my purchases, so this act of gallantry by a good-looking gentleman made no delay in warming my exhausted heart. Chivalry is so goddamn attractive, why don't all men do it? It melts the heart, truly. It only stops being attractive when such chivalry comes not from the goodness of one's heart but when it is to them transactional. Some men only do it in the prospect of benefiting something from the lady, you see.. Of course, two things can also be true at once, but with both, at least the act is still genuine, so they don't regret having been kind even if the lady doesn't return their interest.
The gent from 7/11 showed no interest in me at all and was just so casual about his gallantry, as if it was the most natural thing to do. I mouthed a "thank you" and squeezed my way through the throng. He moved on, I moved on, only to find an empty shelf where the kimbap are usually stored. My stomach was disappointed but my spirit wasn't in the least bit upset.
Don’t be jealous of him, my dear. I merely appreciated his gesture; that was all. Could he be you? Nay. I don’t think I’ll cross paths with him again. I hope you’re also gallant to every lady you meet. Could you be all by yourself right now? Maybe with your family? Friends? Or a girlfriend, perhaps? Hmm.. I hope you break up with her soon so you can find me sooner.
Christmas—all these festivities—are so hollow without you ..
With Love & Longing,
Your Other Half