Dear Diary,
Every good thing must come to an end. People like to say that as if endings arrive politely, knocking on the door. But endings don’t announce themselves. They begin as small cracks, tiny shifts in behavior, subtle withdrawals of attention. You don’t notice at first, because you want to see what you want to see. That’s the trap which is happening with me and Janet. Me and Janet are drifting apart. Well, not me drifting. Let’s be accurate for the record. It’s Janet.
So let’s get this clear: I am an ambivert. I enjoy good company, not any company. Janet, meanwhile, is a full-blown extrovert. A sun that needs planets constantly orbiting her to feel alive. I guess she got bored of me. Maybe. Maybe not. I honestly don’t know. Hard to tell. People rarely announce their exits because they just rearrange their habits.
First, we agreed we were going to go out on the last day of midterms. A small celebratory plan which is simple, clean, foolproof. Two days before the midterms ended, she phoned me and told me she got food poisoning after hanging out with Anna and Jack (reference names, not their real identities.I suppose even diary entries deserve anonymity protocols).
Fine. It happens. Rotten shrimp and bad decisions make you sick.
One day before our plan, I called her to confirm. That’s when she apologized again and said she still couldn’t go out because of the food poisoning. And I get it. If you’re sick, you’re sick. No argument. But if you’re the one cancelling, shouldn’t you be the one making the call?
And I know, diary, it’s silly to be upset. I’m not. I’m just observing.
People reveal their priorities through what they don’t say as much as what they do.
Thursday is the only day we have a common gap, the small precious window in our schedule where we usually hang out together. But these days, I am the one phoning her to hang out, which leaves me feeling like I’m throwing myself at her, because every time I call, she tells me, in her breezy, shiny voice, that she’s already hanging out with Anna and Jack.
And here’s the amusing part: I’m not even alone during the gap. I usually hang out with Marissa, who is genuinely a really nice person and so easy to be around. And when Marissa was absent last Thursday, I hung out with Annabelle, who has a really funny personality.She is sharp, quick and surprising.
So loneliness isn’t the issue. If anything, I’m surrounded by good energy.
But I didn’t want to lose whatever magical connection I had with Janet.
Magic, as it turns out, is just familiarity wearing a pretty disguise. And disguises fade.
People change, and the patterns I relied on revealed their fragility. I tried to hold onto the illusion, but illusions are built on repetition, not truth. And when repetition ends, the spell is broken.
But that isn’t the end of the story, diary. No. She got really on my nerves in the last lecture but I kept quiet. A self-imposed vow of silence. Sometimes not reacting is the only control you have left.
If you want to hear the rest, comment below.
But no one will. People rarely comment on the chapters you’re actually living through.They wait until the ending to pretend they saw it coming.
Good night