Dear diary,
Please don’t judge me too harshly.
I read a few entries just to understand how to write my own confession.
I want to admit my own weakness. I’ve been living with a girl for a long time, and our emotions have faded. She kept demanding a lot from me, and it exhausted me. And then I fell in love with someone else. She responded to me immediately. Everything was wonderful until she started asking me to end my old relationship and build a new one with her.
She demanded attention, she demanded responsibility.
But what we already had was enough for me.
So I simply let her go and stayed in my old relationship.
I don’t feel guilty toward anyone.
In my old relationship, it was my girlfriend’s fault — she didn’t give me emotions, only demands.
And in the new one, the girl began to turn into my old one: she also started demanding too much and was too emotional, and I couldn’t tolerate it.
But this whole situation keeps gnawing at me, and I need to say it somewhere just to get it off my chest.
It feels like I made the choice, yet for some reason everyone around me doesn’t understand and keeps pressuring me.
I sometimes miss the one who brought me emotions and spoke words of love.
But I don’t want anything serious.
I’d rather stay with my old girlfriend — at least I know her, and I know what to expect from her.
And she definitely won’t leave.
And what I’m most afraid of is being abandoned.
The emotional one could have left me if she got to know me better, but the one I’m with now has been by my side for more than seven years.
Thank you for understanding. You don’t have to reply. I just needed to get this off my chest.
Even though I don’t feel guilty — everything happened the way it was meant to — people still judge me for some reason. I told this to a stranger, and he judged me, saying I’m an immature egoist who only thinks about his own feelings and hurt both women. That I’m keeping one even though the feelings are gone just because it’s comfortable, and let the other one go even though she loved me, because being with her meant changing my life and I wasn’t ready.
But I don’t agree with him.
He doesn’t know what I truly feel.
And you can’t command the heart.