Dear Diary,
I thought to write privately not publishing it publicly because people here have started giving their opinion on everything as if this is a kinda social media.
Dear diary, yesterday night made me question everything, in this duration of last 6 months I questioned myself did I took the right decision about marrying him...
But yesterday night I felt that I took the wrong decision... I should have taken some more time before saying yes for this marriage...we might not be the right person for each other...he has different set of expectations...mine are different...
And he said many things yesterday. ..I know that I am not doing financially well from a long time and I am not taking any step to make things better...
He wanted someone who earns well...so that their lifestyle could be upgraded but I wanted someone where my income could support the household so that my addition don't add any burden on someone...I like working at my comfort... not worrying about it everytime...but he wanted someone to less his overall burden...the existing one also...when he is single...
Yesterday, whatever he said could have been said in a better way, I didn't react to it... coz I know he is right and I am always open to listen to his concerns and everything...but he isn't...he just react very impulsively to whatever I say... not trying to understand my feelings or pov.
He said na don't talk to me crying as you will lose me there at that moment.
But yesterday he lost me...me giving up on something is very rare...but I am hurt from a long time...and yesterday I decided that I will try my 100% to get a job within a month and I will be busy with it and my existing work and so that I can earn well and don't have time for anything...I won't be asking for his time or anything else...I won't complain him about anything...I am just done...
I am getting married in next 15 days but I am not happy at this moment, I should have enjoying this moment but we are...
He asked me na that if I have so many issues with him ...why am I marrying him... according to him from last 6 months I have been complaining ...so why I am marrying him...
I stay quiet... because the answer would have hurt him more ...
Coz after that fight we had in June ... which took over everything...I had many second thoughts...but I know my family is happy...the engagement is done ...a lot of money around 12L has been spent on it...all the relatives know about it ... everyone will question, the huge amount of money will go in vain... leading the parents answerable to everyone and they will be sad....the consequences were more dangerous than this ... where I had hopes of getting the things better in this alliance...
This is the reason...I am still marrying him... coz after that fight in June...I know I was at fault but he exaggerated it too much... and in retaliation he said many more mean things to me and he wasn't sorry for that. ..but I wanted this marriage to happen that's why I just tried to make it things better.