Dear Diary,
Hi,
Today is Saturday, 19:41..
I am feeling very anxious right now. Maybe I know why...
Today, I wasn't productive at all...I am feeling that my heart is sinking right now. I worked very less today...I skipped my gym as well...I wanted to go...I thought going to gym will definitely uplift my mood but I didn't feel like going today...and it was raining too... I am using rains as an excuse only. I thought after the gym I will go and donate blood also but skipped the gym so skipped that as well.
As I have mentioned earlier about the fight... things haven't changed yet... although I don't feel whatever happened that day .. whatever I said that day was needed to be exaggerated so much... it's had been 2 weeks and things still didn't get better... instead it got worse only.
Last Sunday...I talked to him... over video call...he was still in that muh fulane wala zone... and I texted him... trying to pacify him...but next day when I called him...on Monday he said these things won't help...you are pushing me away and all that...
I thought okay, I won't call him...a day passed... next day also passed but at that day his sister called me and asked what's going... something is wrong, I can see that and all...and she got involved in all these...
Day before yesterday, she went there to make things better...but I feel it got worst...
He said about the things in which we need to find the common ground...and that day Idk something got turned off in me...I felt bad... I am hurt too... it's just that I am not exaggerating things... trying to resolve everything... taking all the blame on me... that doesn't mean I am not hurt...
I have also lost my focus from the work...
Yesterday I didn't feel like talking to him or calling him or texting him...
My family did a lot of expense on engagement... like my father's life time savings were invested...
For the wedding also...we have already spent a big amount of money on bookings...and yes money matters a lot coz it is a huge amount...
And I don't care about the surrounding people but my parents do... that's why I am trying to fix this... otherwise I don't know what I would have been thinking... coz right now I am done with this...this behaviour...I can understand someone being hurt but exaggerating it too much... even though the person has apologiesd... and judging someone over one conversation...and forgetting everything...I wasn't hurt over the things he said next day in retaliation but I am definitely hurt over the things he said day before yesterday...
He should learn to take criticism, he should learn to be sensible instead of being sensitive always...he should also try to be compassionate enough.
I will call him today... maybe I will only speak to him for 10-15 mins...
Coz I carry don't much ego...I understand that building a relationship takes efforts and you have to keep your ego aside sometimes... and it is easy get into something, it's easy to break ties but the most difficult part is maintaining it.