Wishing.

Dear Diary, 

Today was an unusual day. I woke up like I do every morning, struggling. After that I did my morning routine smoothly and got ready for school. The bus came on time, and the classes were not very boring either. After school, I did my usual routine. And pushed my self-finishing all my stuff and getting organized. Now I am writing an entry.

Nonetheless, I have been stuck on this topic for a while, it does not hurt me too much because I got other things to deal with. It is about being in a relationship with someone else. I never had a girlfriend; I don’t see myself getting one either way. I did try to get one, when I was in middle school, it was embarrassing. The girl I ran behind, did not say no to my offer but just said maybe and after that I just quit running behind her, because it was embarrassing. I should probably say sorry to her, but after what I did, I pretend like I don’t even know her. But there is this girl in my grade I might like. I am just too shy to confess because she is too nice. And I do talk to her often but not a lot, knowing that I don’t deserve her, because I know what animal I am. She is way too nice and pretty. There was a time when things were good, I had a chance on her, but with what situation I am in, impossible.

By a situation I mean, I have been grounded off my phone for about a year, and it is going to come to an end in a few months, but there is a problem, I am moving places in a few months, so it is even useless thinking about her. At the end of the day, I do wish she was with me, I do wish I had someone to talk with. I do wish I could put faith into someone. I do wish I can truly love someone, I do wish someone trusted me, I do wish someone was there to understand me, and I do wish there was a future for me. This is just one of my many problems I try to ignore, because I kind of just know it is not possible. I know wishing is not going to do any good but keeping hope is not wrong either, but keeping false hope just hurts man.