Dear Diary,
so its a few days later now. I still can't forget about my dream. With every minute I crave the feeling I had I my dream even more. I told my social worker about how I feel and she immediately interpreted it as being suicidal. Just what I thought. Then she went on to tell me why my life is worth living and that I am strong and reminded me of what I already managed to achieve despite being ill for more than half my life. I know all this. I don't need anyone to remind me. I am very aware, that life is worth sticking around. I'm gonna die anyways so why not stay a while longer and I am also aware that I am stronger than I think. I survived 100% of my bad and good days. I want to be alive, trust me. I just don't feel alive. You can only pretend to be something for so long. Like you can pretend not being allergic to cats and suck up your symptoms but one day you'll just accept, that you and cats are not meant to be so you just stay away from them. It might be hard because you love cats but you realize it's not a state you can keep living in. Maybe you compromise and get a hairless cat.