Dear Diary,
I am getting better at maintaining routine, I am forming habits.
I think it's primarily because i don't have too many things to do in my mind. And maybe i know my priorities better now.
I didn't go to office today. Worked from home, i kept feeling something in my stomach, just a tiny step away from feeling anxiety.
And, it increased further when i saw that guy in my neighbouring home breaking the glass of the window and his wife sitting inside home not opening the door. That guy was drunk and he was shivering, with pain in his hands and legs not having strength to stand, yet looking through the broken window, calling her to open the door.
My heart felt sooo heavy and my stomach so upset.
I felt how much pain, and sorrow is there in this world, everyone needs love but they either don't know how to seek that love or they just don't get it because the other person doesn't have it.
I was thinking about about myself, the time i was feeling so angry and i needed love and i did not get it. No one is wrong, we all just need love...
And often we all fail to give just that... :(
I kept checking my phone, hoping she'd message me.
In the evening, i went upstairs and looked at the sky, sky always remind me of the vastness of the universe, i know my pain is very small and this will not matter in the long run, specially not being with her.
If something is going to matter, it would be weather i loved or not. Weather i could give love to someone in need or not. And, if i get a chance again, i know, i would.
I have to learn to let go of this attachment with her. I know that at times i am going to need to be feel loved and I know that she doesn't have love for me in her heart.
In the night i saw the video from "Reflections of life" channel. That uplifted me a lot.
The guy in that video says that `All thats’ left is worth, All that’s left is this genuine gratitude for that fact that I have had this human experience.`
And he continues to say that `If you can remember that your real purpose is to connect with everything and everyone, That’s the most joyful existence you can have.`
I also watched the afgani cuisine video. It felt sooo nice to know a culture by their food, i loved the way that lady was talking in Afgani language. I want to do that, i want to connect with people, everyone who i meet. I am going to make food from everywhere.
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What went well today
- I really like the Reflections of life channel's videos, i want to support them more by donating more. I also want to write to them and ask them if i can contribute my time.
What did not go well today
- Feeling anxiety whole day, missing her
- I woke up very late today. I think i should start waking up by 8:30.