I have anxiety, protagonist syndrome in the pejorative sense (I think that everything is my fault), my closest friend wants to kill himself (but he is online and I can do nothing, only support), my family is relatively normal, but they left me with poor self-esteem, sexual ignorance and religious intimidation (thanks to my friends, I stopped it).
Last 2 years are difficult. My grandfather died of cancer, my grandmother had surgery for breast cancer (thank goodness it was successful), one friend left me and I ended up with another myself. I failed my first attempt to go to university, which badly let my family down (quote from my mother),
I draw, most often on my phone. Yesterday I bought brushes, I already have a sketch on the canvas, I want to continue working
I try to look for the good everywhere, it's easy to make me happy, but it's easy to make me cry. My eyes hurt from tears. I cried for almost the whole month. My life is just starting out as an adult and everything seems to be going wrong on purpose. Now I'm waiting for a friend, he'll be on Discord soon, hopefully this will help distract him from suicide