June 18, 2023

 

Dear Diary,

I wasted my time and years on some stupid ambition called painting. Kash na wasta para hota! The only thing that pulled me into it was 'dedication'. Is ke baray me aik khubi mujhey apni janib khinchti thi. I was never an artist. Mujhey baghair dekhe tasveeren nahi bnani ati. Artist takhleeq-kar hota hai. Me takhleeq-kar nahi thi. I was an 'Imitator'. Mujhey tasveeron me rangon me ya khalqat me jo cheez inspire krti thi ..mera hath sirf us ko imitate kr skta tha. Mujhey sirf do jazbay art ki traf le gae... dedication aur khaloos. Ye jazbay mujhey apne aap me attractive lgtay thay. The ability to create something out of nothing. This tendency pulled me. Aik koray kaghaz me tb tk lakeeren khenchtay raho jb tk us me aik dunia ya khalqat ka aks na chalakne lagay. Apne ap me aik hamd. Tajub, tadabur, fikr, ghor, umeed, intezar, sabar. Khuda ki hamd js ki ye khalqat hai... hr khubsurat painting complete hone ke baad, meri herani me hamd thi. Hr sketch shuru sirf isi 'justaju' me krti thi ... kya ab bhi mujh se bn pae ga! 

Kabhi khud kr ke dekho sketching ya painting... artist me bhi kabhi nahi thi na tum ho. Aik koray kaghaz pe tb tk choti choti lakeeren laganay ka jazba rakhti ho jb tk us ki wesi shakal na nikal aye jesi samne wali tasveer ki hai! Lekin phir bhi kitni asani se judge kr lia keh Nayab me sabar nahi hai! Kya aik khali kaghaz pe 15 to 20 days paint brush ka rang lagatay rehne ka jazba rakhti ho baghair khof khae keh tumhara agla stroke puri painting ko tabah kr skta hai! Lekin kitni asani se tum insan judge kr ke kehte ho keh Nayab buzdil ya darpok hai. Aur ye keh Nayab khudgharz hai. Aik baat btaon... aik khudgharz insan kabhi bhi painting nahi bna skta. Kabhi bhi nahi! Aik khudgharz insan ko apna hr juz itna keemti lagta hai keh wo khud ko kabhi bhi 'Waqf' nahi kr skta... aik process me! Art departments Kamliat aur Hasool ke motto pe chaltay hain. Process Seekers or Learning is Growing ke motto pe nahi. Mujhey hr taveer se pehle ki beyakini hi is amal me khenchti hai. Us ka kamil ho jana nahi! Kamliat Insan ka wasf hi nahi. Khuda ka hai! Log kehte hain beyakini beimani ki nishani hai. Kitni moti soch hai insano ki 😂. Jb tum coin hatheli me dbati ho to kya kaho gi keh panch rupay waly sikay ki sirf chand wali side tumharay hath me hai? 😂... Nahi! Pura Coin tumharay hath me hota hai. 

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