May 04, 2023

 

Dear Diary,


so last night art finally texted me back and i don't exactly know how to feel about it. 


after having not received a single text from him in two weeks, i got my shit together and came to terms with reality. or what i thought was reality. 


seeing his name pop up in my phone again was all it took for me to miss him and yearn for his presence again. it's just not fair. i love him. i'm sure i do. he feels so right although i haven't known him for long. he feels so familiar but so different at the same time. he feels like someone that can love me the way i want to be loved. 


i just don't understand how he could've gone two weeks without texting me. art... did you even miss me? did you think of me? did you miss the way i smelled like i missed the way your cologne would fill up my nose every time your arms were around my waist? 


i've moved around a lot and also don't have a great relationship with my parents so i have never really had a safe place or somewhere to call home but i feel home whenever i'm with him. i feel like there's nothing in the world that can hurt me and i suddenly can't feel the pain of 21 years' worth of trauma and hurt and betrayal anymore 


anyway 


i'll text him back tomorrow. i hope he stays because i don't know if i can handle being hurt by him

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