April 10, 2023

 

Dear Diary,


You have shown me  time and time again 

through reading my journals of the past , in my own words my life’s experiences over the years .

 I am always able to find splice in the gained perception the provide . A hindsight of definitive proof of the progress I am sometimes so blind I have made through all  my past  trips around the sun


 I look back into the archives of the spiral binder and gathered pages now and then when I’m feeling stuck or lost 


 reading them from years back I can still feel how I felt writing them , back in those  moments of pain, struggle , hardships and  heartbreaks or . it was all that mattered .all I could see . , not able to envision a time in which  those things would ever stop or become obsolete to my existence or have affect on  my life any longer  .  

I am constantly made aware as reading them paired with current hindsight relived


 i can see just how wrong I was . How blinded into worm holes .


over and over again , Seeing no way out . 



I read them and now say to myself . Wow. If you only knew what was coming you way . Things you’d never imagine . Things that once you finally made space for filled you with so much more joy and contentment , more than you saw coming  . 

But most of all the tears . They stopped . The hurt . It got easier 


And yet still I get so wrapped up in the now . why can’t I break that cycle . Even with my own written proof 


I know there are so any things this world has planned for me . 


I know there are so many great things headed my way , and yet I being to write again these days with such anguish and dead end thinking 

Debating over and over things I already know in my gut the answers to.

 Beating my brain into mush on if I am making the right choices . Should I have even chosen to act. if I want to continue to peruse things I once wanted so bad but now coming to for fear of the unknown . so hard to let go of. 


Over and over again I can read back and see the progression of my life , in my own words. I know this is only temporary. I know I will not feel like this forever, and yet still here I am unable to see a path that lay ahead .


So now ,  I look forward to the day when I am able to look back once again , in a completely different mind set with a very different life and think wow. If you only knew how much things were about to change and the greatest that is headed you way !


To myself , I Love you past present and future . Don’t worry , it will be okay . We will be more than okay .


The universe is guiding the entire narrative. Have faith and know that everything will be okay, better then okay . You just can’t see it yet, but you will . 

Everything that is truly meant for you will be what is meant for you it has never let you down , knows you better than yourself.

It will be okay .

It always is.

 

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