August 23, 2022

I write this diary in the morning as last night I was so tired that I fell asleep right away after finishing the island novel. I need to make a consistency of writing,; it's one step form of my output activity. I need to switch my passive knowledge into active knowledge.

The day before yesterday, we fought. I cursed and swore at her in the chat. They were nasty words. She couldn't have been more shocked than that. I'm very good at cursing, as though I was born with it. She feigned calm and said that she doesn't care what I say about her. I kept on cursing. Honestly, I enjoy the cursing moments. I said that she was a whore, a slut, and I wished she would die very soon. After a while, she mentioned something about my race. She said she often sees something like this in the Chinese movies, and she said since you're Chinese, that's why you have the same way of cursing. I didn't reply when she said that. I stopped the cursing for a second. I was thinking; It was beyond my thinking whatsoever that she could mention something racist. I hate it, and it's something I really care about someone's personality. I blocked her immediately after she said that. I didn't regret it at all..

We met online and we've never met in person. I enjoy her company in the chat. One thing I like about her is her thirst for knowledge. I like people who are always willing to learn. She always asks when she doesn't know about something.

She's married with two children. Apart from her husband, she also has a lover. An Afghan who lives in Germany. I'm not sure how deep their relationship is. All I know is that they've been dating online for several years. I think her husband knows about her affair to some extent, but he's okay as long as they don't meet off the internet.

I don't have any romantic feelings for her. I don't care how many lovers she has. If there is any particular feeling about her, it's a lust. We sometimes talked about dirty stuff, and she liked it. She wears a hijab. I love the feeling of the fact that she's wearing hijab and is married. But, you can chat about dirty stuff with her.