Dear Diary,
So 3 white glasses of wine in and just recalling my conversations with him. He has always said. If his wife gave him bjs as good as I do then we wouldn't be doing "this" with me. Geez thanks. But I was only 18....
22+yrs years later.....I have been giving this asshole bjs because his wife doesnt.
22years this almost 10yr+ married man has shaped me into the 40yr old divorced married to HIS YOUNGER BROTHER with 3 kids One being HIS Nephew..... Girl.
He admits he is a narcissist.....Scares me. I know his image is everything.
I could be that crazy bitch that blows up his world but what would that do.
I want my happily married life with his brother AND I want my secret relationship with him. Just like it's always been.
I want to grow old with him. Drink our morning coffee together but I am forever in love with my husband at the same time. Separately. Two complete yet so much alike relationships.
One of a kind
I love God. I want to go to Heaven. I know what I am doing is wrong. I know "happiness" doesnt exist with out God. I justify my sins because I am not perfect and come short of the glory of God.
I also think. Life is short. Not exciting. Few surprises. Be kind and love. And if I die tomorrow I want to be and love with who I want and I would choose to see and do what I am doing now with everyone I love and I want to continue that feeling daily. No regrets. No waiting. Just be present. To give all I can for each individual person. That's all that matters.