May 01, 2022

Dear Diary,

Idk digital diary will help or not. But yes, writing on paper helped me through phases.

I have become the worse, that i never thought I'll be. I'm sad , lonely, loser, wretched, angry, powerless, helpless, liability, broken, useless, empty. And there's no fucking escape, not for atleast a Couple months. Maybe im paying for my sins. 

For breaking that many hearts, im lonely now. How much  ever i try, doesn't matter,cant get a new friend. 

You know thw worrst part, i know what the problem is, but i cant do anything to change the way things are. I cant cange myself. Im so weak. Everything was just a day dream, it was all in my head, all happiness, all hope, love, trust, everything fucking thing that made me happy. previous few achievements,that was just luck.

I guess this is my hell.

I see no hope.

Everything is breaking and shattering apart. Now, i wonder what does death feels like. Will that be a relief?

Ofc im not gonna die. I am a loser, i dont even have the courage to die, nor do i have the  money for the poison.LoL.

Its okay, I'll find a way out. Wait... We can wait .