Dear Diary,Up early again 3:25 am making coffee building a fire in the stove to help knock the chill out. Checked on Colton, still asleep (of course he is, it’s 3:30 in the morning). I find myself waking up and going and just looking in his room several times a night. If he knew he would say Dad, that’s kind of creepy. Headed out to feed the horses for Colton, he will be pissed, but needed something to do had to get out of this house a few minutes. The hardest thing in the world to sit at this kitchen table looking at that empty chair and so much silence. Be glad when it’s, 6 am, so I can wake Colton up to get ready. Sadly, I can’t wait to wake up my Teenager to have someone to talk to, safe bet he doesn’t feel the same way. It’s still doesn’t seem right calling him a teenager, he is barely, not even by a month. Off point again. So, I read what I wrote last night, guess my brain was putting it out faster than my fingers could type. I find it hard to talk about personal things and Colton in personal detail, even on my private entries its hard. Then I remind myself I have got some great advice by opening up, people have reached out. I got some good points from a couple of people. It made me think of things I haven’t. I look back, I spend so much time making a place to live I missed Callie making it a home and raising Colton.
Took Colton to practice they all were amazing with what they have learned. I wasn’t close to being that disciplined at that age, afterwards picked up salt blocks, molasses tubs, horse feed. Got home saddled up and rode all afternoon checking cattle and fixing fence. Colton mood was so much better, not sure why, but will take what I can get. Colton asks if we could have Mexican food? Enchiladas to be exact tonight. Sure, I will give it try, Colton was like dad no I mean good ones (no filter there) I’m hungry. On the border it is.
We made it back home, I really wanted to try and talk to Colton but when I do it seem I say the wrong thing. Trying to understand him is tough enough as he becomes a teenager. I want to talk to him about that night and see what he remembers and help him understand what happen. But he had such a good day.