December 19, 2021

Dear Diary,Well, everyone kept telling me it would hit Colton in stages and something would set him off I have no idea what set him off but he finally had a melt down

Me: Colton you have your school thing in the morning till noon (he is on a cattle judging team in his AG class and they are having a practice) gets your judging notebook, and whatever else you need so you don't forget anything, lay your jacket,shirt, jeans, sock and boots out so we are not rushing around

Colton: (started crying and yelling at me) Ok, but you don't understand I have to do what mom said to do she said I didn't need it anymore and your making me

Me: ok, I'm not asking you to do anything your mom didn't have you do, or anything she told you not to do. I would never go against your mother in any way I promise if you don't want to go, it's ok

Colton: Never mind, I want to go, but I'm doing what mom said to do, it's not fair you want to make me chose.(He walked off to his room and went to bed and was asleep with then 10 minutes)

I have no idea what he was talking about. No ideal the next move I know he has to deal with this in his own way, I just wish he would talk to me, I also know I can't compete with his mother with her gone she will always be right. I took him to see a counselor, he refused to talk to her. She basically said it was making it worse at this point for him to be there it was to soon. She explained it better. Colton just walked in here and said sorry but I just didn't understand He didn't mean to yell at me. Just for me not to be mad at him. Because he was just doing what mom said then he said could we leave early and get donuts for everyone and I could stay and watch him practice if I wanted to. Then We might be able to go do something. That's the first time he ever asks me to a school practice. I really do wish he came with a manual. I feel like I spend half my time trying to figure out riddles. I don't want to spoil him, but don't want to be too hard on him either I just want what is best.