November 04, 2021

 

Dear Diary,


I don’t even know what to write about. 


My mind goes back to the Halloween Party and Kemper introducing me to everyone. I don’t recall their names. I’m really bad at names. I’m sure they all were wondering what he was doing with me. 


I remember a lady pointed out one of his ex’s. I am not sure why she thought I wanted to know. Kemper never spoke with her or introduced me either. I feel dumb but I have been comparing myself to her since. 


She is taller than me, darker complexion, she looked intimidating too. I think she looked at me and kind of glared but I looked away quickly and avoided her the rest of the night. She is a woman, in every sense of the word. I feel inadequate. 


Stupid to compare. Kemper hasn’t mentioned much of her before. But I wonder why he chooses me sometimes. Especially after seeing her. I wonder if he knew she would be there that night too. 


I shouldn’t feel jealous, he treats me like I am the only girl that matters but I can’t help it. 


The best part of the evening was being able to hug him inside his coat as he wrapped his arms and coat around me. He was very drunk towards the end of the night but we had fun. The people we met and talked to are a blur but escaping periodically and having “just us” moments were the best.


I wish I had more to offer him. 

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