a dream


Dear Diary,

i dreamt of him last night, and it felt good. Some feeling that I missed feeling. I haven't really thought about him that much. Woke up and searched for his name. While I thought nothing would pop up since I know I blocked all of the accounts I thought might be linked to him months ago, One popped up. I knew it was an old account. Last posted image was dated 2010. A reactivated account maybe?

Strangely enough, the friends list were on public. Every person that he told me about, showed up. It was weird since in any other account- official or old account- that I know of, none of them had a public friendslist. 

I went to my blocked accounts and saw a list of maybe 8 accounts with the same name. I noticed that on his main account he changed his profile. I decided I want to see it, so I unblocked him. I initially thought I could block him again anyways. 

Went to the profile and stared at his picture for a while. I knew this was not the person I fell in love with. It's been a year or so anyways. I asked myself if I should hit him up or something, but then I remembered he was in a relationship and I didn't want to get in that situation. (btw he cheated on that girl, he cheated with me). 

That meant if he did choose me I wouldn't win, and I wasn't any better than the girlfriend. A cheater will always cheat. If he ends up with me he could cheat again, and if that happens, I know I wouldn't be able to handle that pain. 

So I sit here, contemplating. Maybe I'll unblock all the accounts and just let it flow. Never hit him up, but just for formality. I ought to let go now. I need to find someone better.


stalked some more and learned that his dad's wake occurred a month after his birthday. 😔 it's devastating even to me. Wonder how hes holding up