Dear Diary,
It is hard to get advice from people who don't talk to you. I feel like a social pariah. I don't know what I do but anyone who knows me, seems to avoid me at all costs. I know why I don't have many friends because "why?". I spend more time trying to stay in touch with them than actually doing anything outside of that. That isn't where we both converse it is me, constantly reaching out, saying hi, how are you? Giving a quick update of myself and then dead silence for weeks and the process starts all over again. Occasionally, I get a response of how sorry they are blah blah blah. This is usually in email form as that is how we most always communicate. But I guess this is something that is checked but once a month.
I get how everyone has their own lives happening and going and I know he is experiencing probably his own version of hell but damn, I'm so over it! It hurts, A LOT! I can't even try to help him. He doesn't want to talk period!
I can't even ask him his opinion.
It seems when I need someone the most, poof, all gone! Nowhere to be found! It is all on me.
This explains my loner mentality. No point in investing in relationships, they ALL go to shit at some point.
Kemper is gone again and if he would answer his phone he would try and help me with this. The man I really want to talk to, besides Kemper, is NEVER around. EVER! I can legitimately say I am over it and just done! This isn't how friendships work! Although friendship may be too strong of a word because we clearly aren't friends.