Dear Diary,
Work days finally winding down. Taken the time to read some of the diaries on here. Have to say, some positive peeps around. I honestly don't know how you do it. Always look to the bright side.
Life has always been shit. I'm never good enough. Too poor. Too boring. Too quiet. Too ugly. Heh. I don't even bother trying to date anymore. Last time I actually managed to find myself a gal was 14 years ago and that didn't end well.
People say I'm depressed or emo but I just see myself as a realist. Sometimes there are no happy endings. No matter how hard you try there will always be something or someone to knock you down. You'll never be good enough. You'll never be.,..perfect.
Honestly...I think it's preferable that way. If you always got what you wanted then what's the point of life? I throw myself into things that'll keep me occupied. Work. Reading. Gaming on my cell or Xbox. Go for long walks to nowhere. Thought about getting a pet. Dog or a bunny but with how much I work I wouldn't have the time. No point getting something if you just neglect it.
All that being said I think I'll get a gym membership once I get my finances sorted out. Bulk back up.
My appearance use to be a sore spot for me. Alot of those at work give me various nicknames because of it. Odin. Ghost. Shadow. Bear. Chief. Boogeyman. They are names that have stuck over the years and that have been repeated by the randos I come across in life. Someone even felt the urge to add on raccoon..which actually fits due to my love of shiny rocks and my urge to collect em. Heh.
Earlier in life it got to me though. I allowed my body to wither. I stopped taking care of myself. Stopped looking people in the eyes and I started slouching. Anything too look smaller and non threatening. Never actually worked but it was always worth a try.
That being said I was in amazing shape before all that. Not body builder wise but somewhere near. I could easily bench around 250. I could squat upwards of 700. I could run two miles in around 14 minutes. Now I'd be lucky if I could do a third of any of that. I know I'd probably never get back into prime shape but I figure it won't hurt to try and see how far I get.