Dear Diary,
I still feel mentally numb. It's been 2 days now and I am grateful I do not feel the extreme depression that I felt a few days ago, but I also know it is right in the back of my thoughts ready to pounce out at me. living of fear of my anxiety is no joke. I must find a way to get through this.
I have noticed, most days are bearable. I am not exactly happy, but as long as I do not feel extremely, hopelessly devastated, I think I can do this thing called life. Will this overthinking ever go away? I know it is not normal for me to research ways to bite the dust painlessly. This is not normal. This is not right. I am not right. Please Lord, help me to keep pushing.
ps. Keep breathing and fight the good fight. You got this.
I spent some time with my friend today. It was raining but I still felt good to be out. I also stumbled across a video called Therapy in a Nutshell. Wow. Totally needed to see that video. It specifically said that if you avoid the things that you think brings on your depression, then you are also avoiding the same joy that you could feel. For some reason it hit home. I am doing exactly that. Avoiding my problems. Therefore, I am blockading the possible joy I could feel.
Anyways, it helped me and I will continue to research it.
I feel a little better today. Thank You Lord.