Hi!
I think there is this problem with me, i am always thinking short term.
I'm never thinking long-term. I always have so many things I want to close immediately. And I want to do all of them immediately. There is this is urge to finish things. The things I think are easy. And these things are there for months and for years because they are not easy. Everything takes time. Yet my mind, my silly mind, thinks that it'll be happy if I could just do one more thing. It is so attached to these little things. Make this app or that app and fixed tod. Setup accounting... All the small things, which in practical sense is not actually getting me anywhere. But I'm unable to get out of it. I'm unable to overcome my obsession with the little things.
The reality is that I do not know what I want to do, all I want to do is in a long term, all the things that I tell myself. Robot X space. I think all of them are lies, lies that I tell everyone and lies that I tell myself. In all honesty I just don't know what I want to do. I've tried asking myself multiple times. I've walked for hours repeatedly asking me the same question: "What do I want to do?" But I'm not getting any answers.
Do some people know what they want to do? I don't care about some people. What do I want to do?
Remembering Steve Jobs' quote: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I'm about to do?" Well no. What do I want to do if not this.
Feynman said "nearly everything is interesting if you go deep enough into it". I'm not having patience to go deep into anything. I am so impatient.
I know there is nothing I'll get out of this rant. I also don't know what else to do. I can sleep. I can always sleep... But what do I do when I wake up again?
It is hard, not knowing is hard.
Goodnight
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--Panda--