Dear Diary,
My day started early again, at 7am and had just like yesterday more energy than usual. Had a simple breakfast and started with online class at 08:30am. Right after it started someone messaged me with who I have been in a fight with for the past 7 months. With the text: ey, can we be friends again? I miss the person who is always happy and isn't scared to speak against me. And I was like, why would you ask that after 7 months without any sorry at all. So as I normally would do I told some friends about it and decided that I will think about it. For atleast a week... So that I can talk with my SLB at school about it.(SLB is a sort of class leader.) And get some advice. One of my friends told that I don't have to be her friend anymore nor I should see her as a enemy. But in between. So we aren't friends, aren't enemies but can normally talk and do things with each other for school. And that's a good solution in my opinion althrough I know myself better and for some reason with in betweens I become friends again and than the fights start aaaalll over again. Also today I got slightly more annoyed by the person I help. In a lesson I asked if it's going good with the exercises and she said meh. Asked why and she said she had 0 motivation. Than we had to meet up again in call and she was just eating her breakfast like she just came out of bed. No shit sherlock you don't have motivation. Breaks are there with a reason. But oh well. Later that evening I hit her up, asked how she was said good. I said okay and she said Yeah?? U Okay??. Felt kinda like she just didn't want to know. And than she asked what I'd at Friday because we are free than. I just casually said as my plans are sleep till 11am and for the other part of the day I let it go. Also known as I don't have plans. Than I asked hbu and she said I will probably do my school exercises, a friend is in my city that day and he asked if I wanted to hang out but I said idk. And you know, I'm sure she said yes. And I slowly just don't give a fuck about it anymore if she fails this year. I feel like I'm being used, threated like I'm just some piece of trash, feels like it's only coming from one side and that I waste my time and energy on it. All I wanted in advance is that she'd work faster and better. But even that is too much to ask. Maybe even sending a mail is too much for her. Yesterday she asked what my email was, said it because she had to send a form for school. Well after a night sleeping I got 0 mails from her and ended up asking her if she'd send it or not. And than to realize that I liked liked her.. I think it's better to stop helping her at some time.. On the other side I'm happy to have a friend named Ben and ofc happy to have my other friends.(They insisted with using their name) They give me the energy I need on a day and provide one of the best companies that I ever had. I can just express myself to them, talk about fun things, bad things you can name it. Even today they did, it was nice to express to them. Thanks :) This is all I will write today. Otherwise it will be too much to read, oop-
Byebye, see you tomorrow :)