March 14, 2021

 

I'm really fed up of my brother. We live together, and he thinks he gets to treat me like shit while I don't even get to ask for basic courtesy from him without him losing his shit and screaming at me.

I'm so tired of putting in all this energy and getting nothing back but insults and anger. But he has nowhere to go, no way to make a living, no one to support him, and i don't know what to do.

I'm burning out and I just want to go. Somewhere. Anywhere. I want to go live alone and have peace and be able to listen to my music and talk to my friends and talk to myself and eat the foods I like without being insulted or screamed at. Why is everything my fault? I put my life on hold for him, and then did it again in order to pull his girlfriend out of a mess. 


I was going to go back to college next month, and instead my tuition is going toward bailing his girlfriend out. I don't begrudge her that, but I think I deserve some basic human decency here. Just...I work 60 hour weeks to support him, I gave up all my savings to get him out of a bad situation, and I feel like I'm being punished for it. My home is disgusting, and I dread coming back because I know that if I'm not perfectly silent and if I don't do everything myself, I'm going to get screamed out.


I am so, so burned out and I just want to die.

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