March 11, 2021

🙃😩

*Worries of the Day and I ruminate*

Using the grid journal made me aware that I am spending a lot of money daily... One of the things I can cut back on smoking... It really is an expensive habit... Must minimize and then quit that habit.

Had a talk with my sister, and it seems we both have a vision and plan of the lot and building earning money regularly... Yep, Begin with the End in Mind. Have a vision and work towards making it reality. My worry is that if we have tenants, and mom pulls her "Queen-Karen-give-me-advance-payments-just-because", then all our efforts would go to waste again... Try not to think too much about it and just prove that we can manage and be responsible over the building...

When I was employed, I didn't have the stresses that come from goal setting and planning... Just followed the rules and regularly checked up on my metrics... Now that I am not employed, I make plans and goals to keep myself busy... It's not bad situation per se.... But....

Do I look at the future anxious and worried? Or have I or am I looking towards the future with the satisfaction that I am doing enough?

I write about actions and goals achieved each day, but have I secured my future? Maybe... We'll see what the future holds... As long as I persist... 

I am not a very 'grounded' person... I daydream and procrastinate often... Possibly the reason why I became so caught up in the halucinations before... and why I have little show now that I am taking medicines for a few years... Grounded... I wish I had that trait before... Close to the earth and the stuff of mountains and monuments... Sure, it's not a dreamy trait, but it's something that keeps you secure and stable enough to make something for yourself...

This has gotten too negative... Time to nip this negativity out... Move on to things accomplished and what makes me happy... Too much negativity and rumination does bad things to mental health... Don't dwell and learn to become a grounded person.