Dear Diary, Its late I'm going to the marines on the 15th... I excited but really scared like I'm going crazyyy. I hope I don't give up because that would really suck. I would be a failure nothing I would be completely worthless sack of nothing... SO I've got to do this RIGHT? I need this. I got this. DONT I? I don't I believe I can do this I need to make everyone proud including myself. I feel like if I fail then what? I'm nothing. I need this to work I mean its only 3 months but of toucher. I need to be the best I can be. I'm going with my friend so that's awesome I couldn't do it without her I love her she's the best friend I've ever had. OKAY moving on to sex I've been thinking about it. I'm a virgin at 19 I know I suck I just haven't found the right person. I've never been in love like ever. I'm thinking before I go I should have sex. I don't want it to be romantic or anything I'm just horny. Maybe because I'm on my time of the month. I've meet this guy on a app cute white boy perfect right? I mean before I go I have sex???? I know it sounds stupid.? I'm going to think about it and it also depends on what kind of person he is. I also don't know if I should tell my friend about it she's kind of conservative like she doesn't think sexually. I mean I wouldn't mind having sex with a cute white guy. As long as he knows I'm going to come back for moree I mean if I like it I'm going for seconds. When I come back Ill probably mess with him for a while until I get bored or if he likes me then maybe I can have a bf. I've always wanted a bf and the plus is we can have sex whenever I want of course when he wants to. I hope i can get a bf that I like and I can get to know I hope I can get someone I've always wanted. Someone special like.. Someone I can be with forever and never want anyone else or anything else...