Dear Diary,
It's my own fault really. I didn't express how I felt in the moment of feeling things. I let it overwhelm me to the point of where I just had enough. & if we are being honest, I didn't know that I had enough until enough was all I had. When we first met, all the flaws didn't seem like flaws. I was fully aware of them but I paid no mind. I guess you can say, I'm flawed in that way. How niave of me to assume, he would change his ways. How hypocritical of me to want him to. I wouldn't dare change for a single soul. I guess I hoped he would grow out of the alcoholic phase, and I guess he assumed I would be okay with it. We both assumed terribly wrong. Asking him to change who he was for my own beneficial needs and desires seems to be so selfish. At the time I believed i was just trying to make him a better person for himself. But in light of full transparency, i was just trying to make him better for myself. Selfish.
He needed someone who wanted to let him do what he wanted, spend all day everyday drinking with his family, talking about our stupid jobs. I wanted someone to raise me up on a pedestal and make me forget the life I was living.
I was ready to grow as a person, become something greater, be my best self. He wanted to stay in the same exact spot for the rest of eternity. I guess you can say we outgrew each other. As most people do. Its a damn shame....because I thought & truly hoped he was going to be forever.