September 15, 2020


Dear Diary, or whoever wants to listen.

To the person that I meet next, will you please not take me for granted? I have been taken for granted way to much in my life, I guess some aasume that I would always be there for them no matter what, and not even really trying to put in effort. Im not really wishing for you to do the same thing, not cuz I am arrogant and I want you to be happy for any awesome gesture I do, but RATHER because I need you to realize that I really am worthy of your invested time. I really am worthy of appreciation and most importantly love. i can pretty much assure you that i will give you the world, and would do anything thats going to bring you some sort of happiness, but it probably won't be like that 4ever if you come up with some dumb shit that begin there for me is to much of a burden, I know I will be there for you to the point I will probably question my own worth ( I know we all have done it, and continue to do it at times). I've been through it! Just so you know I can continue to love you, but trust me when I say that I am strong I can walk away from those I love. I've done it and will continue to do it, if its needed. Life has taught me that, and for the love of, ita one of the hardest things ever, you won't see the way i smile everytime i see you walking toward me or the face i have when  I smell your awesome fucking cologne, but oh well right I honestly just want you to appreciate the way i treat you when out with family and friends and the way i respect you when you need time. Not really something I can say to anyone out there, but I do need and want you to do exact same things for me as well. Im not going to get mad if you forget that sometimes us women really do need more attention than usual, and if you forget the anniversary date, well thats understandable because most men can't remember dates anyways, but i will definitely get really fucking mad if i start to see some dumb ass hehaviour turning into some manipulation, childish bullshit. If you act or start to use use me as if I will forever be there. Like said I been thru so many relationships and friendships where people never really appreciate my efforts and I would really fucking for once in my life to see someone putting that into keeping me by their side and in their life. Im very low maintenance i don't need you to buy me flowers everytime we see each other, and we don't have to spend all day together, but I'd love to see you everyday, honestly just want you to appreciate the work I put into the relationship and for you to do so. And for the record there probably going to be times when I will not put zero fucking effort to anything, for no telling what reason, but you have to try and understand,  just like i have to do with you.. stick together to make it thru those rough times and hard times, but we can make it together ( everyone is always so quick to throw in the towel , because it seems to be much easier) weakness. Let's be fucking honest here love does NOT have to hurt, nor should it hurt but love does need some effort. Don't ever look at me confused, people truth is, you probably agree. Can you be there for me? Can you do this? Fight for me? Care for me? If you can, I promise I will do the same...straight fucking facts. 

Now your at the end, it all seems crazy huh!!! 🤷‍♀️