ย
Dear Diary,
I must write now. For last few days my mind is being so cluttered, I am having very different thoughts, plus I think it's 7+ days in a row of jogging (I am about to set a record of regularity =D. Meera would mock me for sure ๐), in the park, I get a lot of thoughts. But my mind is wandering, I am not having consolidated ideas. I thought about the coffee business, the food speciality idea.
Yesterday I was again thinking about the thing - "What's left of it now ?". I asked her this once after returning from Hampta. We did trek and got tired and at one point it was very difficult, yet we did it. Spent money on it. And after returning from there, after a few days, I asked, what's left of all that now. What's the point of reaching to the top of the mountain ? have we gained something? And that day I told myself that I have beautiful memories of the trip, the journey, and a journey wouldn't exist without a goal in mind.
Yesterday I just revisited the idea and I gave one more explanation, that every experience is unique and after every experience, we are a different being. After every run, i change. I am not the same person who entered the park.
It's simple in maths, X +1 -1 = X. But maths is merely an idea, I think for humans the equation can be different X +1 -1 != X for human experiences.
I go with sweety, everyday 5:30. I started because i wanted to loose my belly. Because last time i met her, i was feeling little you know.. you know.
But now i think its more important than that, i was thinking that whatever happens in life, whatever i am doing, Entrepreneur or no entrepreneur. Traveller or not traveller. Married or not married, but i don't want to get fat ๐. I want to feel light in my body. Always. I wish i never forget this.
I have been reading this book, 40 rules of love. It's going really good. After sooooo long, i finally stumbled on something i am liking. It's not as great as i expected, atleast not yet. But i am liking it, It has some philosophy, something about love for god. Not the outer one... It is something about Rumi, Character of rumi is yet to start. i can barely read 20 pages every day.
I told you my mind is too cluttered, i wanted to write a lot of things, but i don't remember now. I'll tell you something about today.
I sow coriander seeds today ๐. Earlier i was thinking that if this is just trial, if they grow than i can sow the rest of seeds and grow parsley, and cilantro as well. But i think a farmer just has to trust that the crop will be good and with good intentions sow the seeds because the season is not going to remain the same forever. So tomorrow, I'll bring more pots and sow them all with good intention and a prayer.
Sai (Collbuzz) called 2 days ago. After so long, it felt really good, He is working on an organic farming project. It's so wild in life, isn't it. From IT Job to Collbuzz and delivering food to UPSC to organic farming, he says he really likes the job now. Its a good example of the quote from benjamin - "Its never too late to be whoever you want to be. There is no time limit to this thing"
Since morning, there was something disturbing in my gut, i had a feeling that she was going to cancel tomorrow's plan, i tried to keep positive. But she did cancel it in evening. I felt a little there. I would never cancel plans with her. I said i would love to, when she asked me about this. But then, i know that its my fault, i know it from the beginning, that she doesn't share my excitement, not today and maybe never, and i have made my peace with it, long ago. Its wrong of me to feel sad about it, and trust me i wont. it was just momentary thing. Although i felt little bad about one thing about myself, that in the moment when it happened, i messaged her that its alright, but in my mind i thought ill about her, i had a thought of ego, and rather than sending the photo of the dish to her, i sent on my whatsapp status (Inwardly telling myself that she isn't really important, there are many who'd care). This was wrong of me. No matter what happens, i should not react. Should not react. I am even doing meditation regularly these days, and yet i couldn't control myself in that moment. I need more work there.
DK Sir called today, i was thinking about him day before yesterday when i told myself that if this lockdown ends and i survive, and if i am ever jobless again, the next time, I'll not think of anything else and just go a bike tour for few months. Just meet more people and eat different things and hear different stories, see things from other's perspective. I will go travel. There is no point in thinking and being conservative. I think i might as well touch his feet and ask his blessings before starting.. ๐
Dawrani has been a real brother always. He would ask me on month-end, if i got the salary or not, if not, he would transfer some money ๐๐
Although we dont talk much these days, we are both busy with a lot of work. But i guess, that's what family is. We dont have to always talk. Talked with Bhuvan too. Heard about Anuj. Guys who look so strong fro outside, are sometimes feeling alone. I think he should get married. That way, you'll at least have someone to share your day, if not more.
Recently i had a dream, i met someone, some girl, (i think she was from my town, her parent knew me), but somehow we never talked much but when we did, it was so perfect, she was just like me, we just clicked. I don't remember what things we talked about but i just have this feeling left now that it was all perfect, and she was little bold than i was ๐. I was scared to go around her house when we were both drunk, but she was dragging me.. ๐ ๐
Sometimes i get sad, thinking about life, you know, like, time is passing, and i still haven't figured out what i want to do, no relationship, not many friends, not a lot of money. On top of that my folks are not doing very good, di is having problems there, i am worried about her, mama, Rishabh, Hitesh... I always wanted to help them, but i haven't yet done anything fro them.
AND LIFE IS JUST PASSING... DAY BY DAY...
But i know, i shouldn't be worried about it, Worrying won't help anyway. I'll just do whenever i can. And maybe someday i'll find the one.. I am sure there is one for me somewhere.. ๐ But I have to keep going, all of it is leading to me to where i should be.
Talked with Rahul(Tripmapic) today. I told him about the open diaries (I don't know how i never told him till now), he said its a good project. He said, he is having few more ideas, and he'll call me when he'll start working on those.
There are few people, talking to them makes me feel really good and i feel so grateful for meeting them. Jyoti and Meera are also those.
Ok, Enough for today.. =D.
Tomorrow is Sunday, my favourite day, haven't decided yet, what i am going to do, but i'll learn something new.
Buenas Noches โค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ