Dear Diary,
What a day. I have done nothing, nothing at all. Never ever I felt so useless and weak and I am so ashamed but I cant help it. I am just sitting in my bed half of the day, now having a drink and just wanting some light. Part of me doesn't want it, my darker self wants me to fall, very deep and it loves watching me suffering. I sit and cry, I frown, I get smiley and fall back again. I am not stupid, believe me I meant to be clever, I have a phd and staff and lots of experience here and there but guess what? I am soon to unemployed and I am scared. I am so scared, how I am going to help my mum who needs at least 500 month from me. How am I going to even believe in myself. How can I carry on anything without any direction. How I am going to be passionate about anything when everything feels of no worth to me right now. I cant understand, I dont believe there is passion for anything left. Or is passion equal naivety? naivety that someone dreams will come true?that someone project will actually work? that we all get through this? I am falling, I am dying inside, I dont really see the point of anything. I am lonely even thought surrounded by people. Please send some light to myself from myself if there is any.thank you, diary